(written about 11 weeks ago)
Well it has been about 12 days since I found out that I was 'officially' pregnant. It is still soo weird to say that.
From July to September was a crazy few months for me at work. I was traveling A TON, and because of that, everything was out whack. My cycle was a mess, and to be honest, I didn't really care too much because I had just barely decided to get off my birth control.
In September, I had two tours that I was supposed to go on. One of the weeks, i had a half tour where I was in Wisconsin and Florida. I was sort of expecting for mother nature to show up sometime during this tour, and when she didn't I started to wonder. Stack on the fact that the whole time I was out of town I was nauseous, no appetite, and very light headed while presenting.. and things were really making me wonder. I was sort of scared to tell Ammon,... not sure why since he is the sweetest and most understanding person on the planet. I think it was mostly because I knew that he has always put a lot of pressure on himself to provide for our family, and this might change things.. like a lot. AND.. in my head we had not officially 'talked about it' (as in having kids).. I knew that we wanted kids soon, but we hadn't really had the 'okay lets try' type conversation.. which made me nervous. I am an overthinker i'll tell ya.. thats one of my many weaknesses.
Once I got home from that short tour, I had two days to prepare before I left for another 5 days. That weekend was awesome. We had plans with friends to go to the USA National Women's soccer game at Rio Tinto, and my friend Katie and I went shopping to try to find t-shirts to wear to the game. Katie is about 15 weeks pregnant.. so I was asking her about how she found out etc.. and how she has been feeling.. and when a lot of my symptom's lined up with hers.. i was basically convinced that I was pregnant.
I told Ammon on our way to dinner on Saturday night that I thought I might need to take a test.. (for some reason i was worried about what his response might be).. and he started laughing and said "well yeah.. i have been expecting that! You're late and not been feeling good.. so it's probably a good idea."... he said it in the sweetest loving tone ever and we both just cracked up laughing. He's like 'haley you don't give me enough credit.. just cuz we didn't have a full on conversation about this doesn't mean we aren't on the same page. I get you Hay." and man in the moment i realized how much I need to grow as a wife. Ammon is just so awesome and always one step ahead and I never give him enough credit.
For some reason I had this mental block about taking a pregnancy test. I had a very nice expensive digital test from early on in our marriage when we had a 'pregnancy scare' (isn't it funny they call it that?).. I knew right where it was. I knew I needed to take it, and for some reason I kept avoiding it like the plague. I had it made up in my mind that I was pregnant.. like there was zero percent chance that I was NOT pregnant. I was excited in my head.. and so it scared me to think that the test might tell me that I wasn't. (that happened before and at that point I didn't even realize that I wanted to be pregnant until I saw that the test was negative.) So on Sunday I packed, we went to church, and headed to dinner at my parent's house. On the way home Am and I started talking about the possibility of me being pregnant. I told Ammon how I was so scared to take a test in case it was negative, and he told me some of his worries and exciting thoughts as well. Finally I felt ready to just go for it and take a test. It was stressing me out not knowing.
We walked into the house, I got the test out.. and headed to the bathroom. My plan was to pee on the stick, wash my hands, and take it out so Ammon and I could watch the result pop up together. Before I even finished washing my hands.. i glanced over to see 'pregnant' clear as day on the little monitor. I grabbed the test, walked out of the bathroom, and said "babe?"... Ammon and I sort of ran into each other in our tiny hallway between our master bedroom and kitchen.. we looked at each other right as I said.. "we're having a baby". Ammon hugged me and i lost it. I started crying happy tears and overwhelmed tears, and OH MY GOSH tears. Ammon told me how happy he was and asked how i was feeling. I told him I knew it was going to be positive and that it was just weird that everything was REAL LIFE. I was overwhelmed instantly. We talked about a plan, and decided we were going to wait to tell our families until after our first doctor appointment. We both felt like we wanted to make sure that everything was legit and get a plan in place before we go off telling everyone our exciting news just in case something wasn't right. I am sort of kicking myself for that one.
So here I am. I think I am around 6-7 weeks but really have no idea. WHO KNOWS. I have my first appointment on the 6th of October and I am just dying to know that everything is okay. I have since taken one more test.. which again confirmed that I am definitely pregnant. It is killing me not telling my family... they are all going to flip.. and I know Am's family is going to be just as excited.
Honestly the biggest thing is not being able to talk to anyone about how I am feeling. I have been pretty nauseous with no appetite, and so pretending like everything is good.. is SO hard. My mom is my best friend and I can't wait to tell her everything about this whole situation. I feel like I am basically the epitome of a pregnant woman. One of the first things that made me question being pregnant was my absolute irrational annoyance with people around me. I was constantly bugged about nothing and just all around annoyed. Then, I started feeling nauseous.. then loss of appetite.. then complete exhaustion, and well.. there you have it. I pregnant woman. I have not thrown up yet, and for the most part I hope that doesn't happen, but at the same time.. it might actually make me feel better.
I finally called and got a prescription for the nausea and today was my first day taking it. So far so good. I was hesitant to go on a prescription, but I got desperate after the last few days. My mom doesnt know that I have missed work this week, my soccer girls don't get why I can't play with them in practice (as rough as I used to), and I think my coworkers are starting to think I am a baby with missing work so much. ahahha! One lady even made the comment... "you're not pregnant are you?!"... Well yes, in fact I am!
Ammon and I are so excited about our whole world changing coming this May or June. It completely scares the crap out of me, and makes me cry happy tears all at the same time. We can't wait to meet our little one!
'Bumpdate'...For some reason that phrase sort of bothers me, but
whatever. I am not clever enough to come up with something else so I guess it
will do! I have been absolutely TERRIBLE keeping track and notes of each week
of my pregnancy but hopefully I will start getting better at it as the weeks go
on..
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| This picture was taken at about 15 1/2 weeks! |
How far along: 16 weeks (and 2 days.. but who’s counting?)
Size of the baby: Avocado or about 4.5 inches
Weight gain: about 3-5 pounds depending on the day or time i weigh myself :)
Maternity clothes? Barely. I bought my first pair of
maternity pants last week (holla at H&M.. best maternity pants ever) and
have worn them once. All of my clothes still fit me but they are so dang
uncomfortable by the end of the day. Screw wearing skirts to work because
pencil skirts are of the devil right now and basically the most uncomfortable
thing on the planet. Besides tights. Which go hand-and-hand with skirts so
basically I just hate them both right now. Getting dressed for work is
stressful because I am supposed to dress business casual, but wearing my
regular pencil skirts is a big HECK NO, and heels make my sciatic nerve go
crazy.
Sleep: GOOD! I have pretty much always been able to sleep
through practically anything.. and for the most part pregnancy has been the
same. I can still sleep on my stomach since I barely have a bump, but it is
getting to be a little uncomfortable. Some nights are better than others but I
can still sleep through the whole night with out having to wake up to go to the
bathroom. Win! I am dreading the nights of waking up 2-3 times to pee.
Cravings: they change all the time! I have been absolutely
loving on hot wings right now. Which is sooo weird because I normally don’t even
really like wings! Buffalo Wild Wings has saved me and I have ordered the 3rd
hottest sauce on my wings.. Wha? I am normally the biggest baby with hot foods.
I have also been craving celery and carrots.. and I have to drink orange juice
every morning. So weird. My food intake really hasn’t changed too much.. just
sometimes things sound reallyyy good!
Baby movement? Yes! I felt my first solid kick at 15 ½ weeks!
It was unlike anything I have ever felt before.. it happened three consecutive
times in a 10 minute span or so.. all in the same general area. I was freaking out!! I
was so excited. Unfortunately I have not felt little kicks again, but I am sure
they will become more consistent in the weeks to come. So excited for that.
Gender Prediction: For my whole pregnancy thus far I have
thought girl, but in the last few weeks I am so unsure!! I am UNREAL excited to
find out boy or girl.
Challenges this week: I have had some cramping,
(muscles/ligaments making room for baby), but other than that I have felt SO
good! With the exception of occasional gnarly headaches,..No complaining here. My sciatic nerve is doing much better and for the
most part I have learned to understand what my body needs.
Best moment this week: Feeling the baby kick and going to my
appointment tomorrow! Two weeks from today we will know the gender.... Eekk!!!
Nursery: Ammon’s parents bought us a crib for our Christmas
present this year and I am OBSESSED! Am and I bought the matching dresser to go
with it and I can’t wait to get it all set up!
 |
| From the front you can't even really tell. haha somedays are worse than others. |
I guess it is officially time to announce my pregnancy on the good ol blog. Unfortunately the blog is usually the last form of socially media that I have been updating lately.. so here is a quick recap of how we chose to announce our new little addition.
3 days before Halloween I decided I was going to make a chicken costume and figured Ammon could be a Farmer. So we rolled with that idea. Then, I also had this crazy idea that we should use our costumes to announce our pregnancy... my mom had this giant Easter Egg, and we thought that we could come up with a cheezy phrase to announce the pregnancy over instagram and Facebook. Halloween night we went to my parents house to take pictures, then the next day the picture was officially posted.
Looking back i probably shouldnt have gone ALL OUT with the puns, but whatever. We laugh about it now and in the moment we liked it's cheesiness. :)
3 days before Halloween I decided I was going to make a chicken costume and figured Ammon could be a Farmer. So we rolled with that idea. Then, I also had this crazy idea that we should use our costumes to announce our pregnancy... my mom had this giant Easter Egg, and we thought that we could come up with a cheezy phrase to announce the pregnancy over instagram and Facebook. Halloween night we went to my parents house to take pictures, then the next day the picture was officially posted.
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| "Ammon and I are 'egg-cited' to welcome a new little 'peep' to the Zitting crew. Egg-pected' to hatch in May" |
Ammon and I are so so overwhelmed by all the sweet comments, texts, and calls we have received in the days since we announced my pregnancy. We are getting more and more excited everyday and feel extremely blessed that Heavenly Father is trusting us with one of his own little children. May cannot come soon enough!
Guys. It's no secret that I have a shopping addiction. All growing up I remember my mom, my sister, and I, going on shopping trips together. The Hansen girls love a good deal and a good day of shopping. We bond over it. We talk for hours and honestly its times like this that I LOVE. My mom is the most stylish lady I know, and even more than that.. the best bargain shopper I know. She has taught us well. :)
I am one that truly believes you can fall in love with an article of clothing.. at least for awhile. So last week while I was down in STG, we were homecoming dress shopping with Ammon's little sister.. and I spotted them. The pair of fall boots I have been looking for for so long. Cheesy i know. But i have been wanting to buy a pair of two tone boots for awhile now, and haven't found a pair that I love at a decent price. I also really wanted to buy a pair of 'nicer' boots because real leather just lasts longer than the cheap $25 boots you can buy at Forever Young. Here's the kicker.. they are not what we call cheap.. $159 bucks to be exact. which lets be real here.. isn't terrible for a good pair of high quality boots.. but still wayyyy more than i would everrr pay for a pair of shoes.
Here's a little insight into Ammon and I's marriage......
Ammon is a saver. I am a spender (within reason). I value this quality of Ammon soo much. I'll be honest.. 99% of our financial success is because of Ammon. He is literally so smart with money and works so hard to make sure we are saving money every month, investing, and always preparing for the future. I, on the other hand, understand why we do our finances the way we do, but it is a little harder for me when I see my paycheck and realize the 'smaller' amount I can actually spend every month. hahah I am so greedy i swear. It's a struggle for me.
Ammon's job is a little crazy so we knew that when we had Monday off for Labor day, we needed to jump at the chance to get away. We both took Tuesday off work, and after work on Friday headed down to St. George. We both LOVE st george. We have so many good memories there... it's where we met, fell in love, were engaged, and lived for the first 18 months of our marriage.
A few years back Ammon had seen The Little Mermaid at Tuacahn for an FHE activity in his singles ward. Ever since, he has told me over and over again how awesome it was and if it ever came back that we needed to go. I absolutely love that Ammon enjoys going to plays and artistic-ey things with me. In fact, a lot of the time these things are his ideas! For being so manly, this guy sure has a soft side :) And actually, I would never really claim to be a 'play lover' myself, but for some reason I just absolutely LOVE going to Tuacahn.
This weekend was just absolutely wonderful. It was so needed. Poor Ammon is working around 50-55 hours a week, add in an hour or so commute everyday, and then his graduate program on top of all that.. he is just a busy man right now. However, this weekend was great because we caught Ammon between semesters--meaning no homework for the week-- and he had an extra day off work. HOLLA. Ammon was more relaxed and fun loving than I have seen him in a long time. Not that he is grumpy or ornery, but he just has a lot going on so it is hard for him to be carefree. There is always something lingering over his head.. and we all know that just sucks. I am so busy with working, traveling, and coaching that sometimes i feel like i just miss spending time with my husband! I can't really explain it.. this weekend was just something we both needed so badly.
We shopped with his family, hung out, watched football, went crawdad fishing, and finished the prefect weekend off at Tuacahn. I absolutely LOVED The Little Mermaid!! They way they depict underwater and the mermaids swimming was so cool! Definitely a must see!
What? What? Haley got a new job? I thought she loved her job?!
Well don't get too ahead of yourselves. I did get a new job.. but I did not quit my job at Young Living.
I am now coaching high school soccer (again!)! Hallelujah!
A friend called randomly and asked if I could come help coach the JV girls at Bingham High school.. and after some chat about my work commitments and schedule things were still good to go!
I have been helping out now for a few weeks and although it makes life A LOT busier, i find myself so much happier. This is something that I absolutely LOVE doing that it is totally worth the long work days and constant driving to south jordan. I completely adore my little soccer players and am just so grateful I have the opportunity to help out.
It was so crazy when my friend called. That whole week I had been in such a rut. I love my job, but was getting tired of traveling. I was missing coaching in stg so much. I was having a bad attitude about life in general. I had been praying and praying to find an answer to my frustration with my daily routine.. and then seriously the next day Kim called and told me about the position. I knew the second we worked everything out that it was just meant to be! I was so excited.
These girls have already blessed my life so much. They have stretched me as an individual which I am so grateful for! Life is real busy, but i LOVE it. Now if I could only figure out a way to make more money coaching so I could do it full time. :) now that would be sweeeet.
Well don't get too ahead of yourselves. I did get a new job.. but I did not quit my job at Young Living.
I am now coaching high school soccer (again!)! Hallelujah!
A friend called randomly and asked if I could come help coach the JV girls at Bingham High school.. and after some chat about my work commitments and schedule things were still good to go!
I have been helping out now for a few weeks and although it makes life A LOT busier, i find myself so much happier. This is something that I absolutely LOVE doing that it is totally worth the long work days and constant driving to south jordan. I completely adore my little soccer players and am just so grateful I have the opportunity to help out.
It was so crazy when my friend called. That whole week I had been in such a rut. I love my job, but was getting tired of traveling. I was missing coaching in stg so much. I was having a bad attitude about life in general. I had been praying and praying to find an answer to my frustration with my daily routine.. and then seriously the next day Kim called and told me about the position. I knew the second we worked everything out that it was just meant to be! I was so excited.
These girls have already blessed my life so much. They have stretched me as an individual which I am so grateful for! Life is real busy, but i LOVE it. Now if I could only figure out a way to make more money coaching so I could do it full time. :) now that would be sweeeet.
**To catch up on this series, read this post first*
So it was the day.. July 4th to be exact. My missionary was finally coming home. I am not going to go into details about this day.. cuz lets be real.. it doesn't matter. I did go to the airport and yes we did hug. hahah! I remember being so nervous because people had told me "that first hug tells a lot.. you will be able to know instantly if it is right or not". I remember in the moment feeling so overwhelmed and so happy. But I also very distinctly remember thinking while he was hugging me for the first time.. "ummm k can we stop now? That's good enough for now.".. I think a lot of that was because I was so embarrassed having everyone and their dogs watching us, cheering, clapping, etc... and I hated having all eyes on me. But I also think this was a good indication of the future.
I will be 100% honest. I was absolutely on cloud 9. The following days and weeks were magical. We talked about getting married the day after he got home (the first official day he was released as a missionary), and knew it was what we both wanted. As time went on, we could not figure out the timing of when exactly we should get married, but we both knew it was going to happen. Then I had this thought.. "you have prayed and prayed about this for two years, and here it is and you haven't even prayed to see if it is right. You haven't even asked for guidance.".... That night I prayed for the first time since he had gotten home about marrying this boy I was crazy about.
My prayer was simple. Probably nothing too deep, but sincere in the fact that I wanted to know if it was right that we got married. Strangely enough the second my prayer was over.. instant pit in my stomach. I brushed it off thinking "no way.. there is no way that this is a 'no'... i just want a confirmation that this is indeed right."... So i kept praying. Every night after that night.. same thing. Things started getting crazy. Every time i was around my boyfriend, random things would bother me. The pit in my stomach would come. I kept avoiding it thinking "There is literally no way that this isnt right"... Whenever he would bring up marriage.. i no longer knew what to say. Instant pit. .. This went on for a few weeks. Of course there were really good times too. That's what made it so difficult.. the feelings of 'not right' were not always consistent.
Thoughts of Ammon started creeping into my mind. All. The. Time. It was annoyinggggg. I would be cuddling with my boyfriend thinking "i wish his chest was more comfortable like Ammon's" (ISN'T THAT SO BAD?!) I would see pictures of Ammon on FB with other girls and it would piss me off. Like bug me soo bad. Around this same time I was so irritated with praying that i decided to fast. I fasted for 3 Sundays straight.. and felt like I had gotten no answer. I was so frustrated. The 3rd Sunday I was at my wits end. I knew that I had received my answer that I should NOT marry my boyfriend, but instead needed to break up with him. WHAT THE CRAP. I was so sick to my stomach. I was scared. I had no plan. I was in love with him.. WHY WHY WHY was this not right? I literally had no answers. No reason not to marry him. (that i could see?) Our relationship was a good one, he made me happy, of course we had our issues, but doesn't everyone?
I was pissed. So i went home from church. Marched to my room. Collapsed on the floor, and started praying. I poured my heard out to my Savior. Instead of asking him if I should or shouldn't, I told him. I told him everything I wanted in my life. What qualities I wanted in my husband, the family I wanted to have, the career and future I wanted for myself. I remember finishing with "let me know who this person is that will help give me these things. And if I haven't met them, please help me to know when i finally do." As soon as I pulled myself together enough to head back upstairs.. I had a simple thought "That's Ammon". And in that moment I knew for myself that it was true. And the next day I broke up with my boyfriend. For no reason other than I just didn't feel good about things. I was confused.
I hadnt talked to ammon in months. He was in St George living the single life and reaping the benefits of being a freaking all star on the baseball team. :) One day, I got a random text from him.. which sparked conversation. He asked how things were ... actually I think his phrasing was "so when are you getting married?" haha. I told him we had broken up. The convo was short but it was good.
Things over the next few months are a blur. I had classes with my ex boyfriend at the U, we occasionally carpooled to school together, and it was hard to stay away from each other. We still talked a lot, we hung out together frequently, but we were no longer together. Confusing. It was really hard making that official CUT. Ammon and I talked a lot too. But he was dating like crazy down at Dixie. Everyday (i kid you not) I would get a text around 5:30 that said "hey going on date tonight.. gotta go. have a good night"... or something along those lines.It was a little annoying because I though he for sure had to have a girlfriend that he was not telling me about. He assured me he was just dating a lot.
During these months I went through a lot of crap. And I put a lot of people through crap. I was exhausted emotionally, physically, and spiritually. My family was sick of hearing about everything, all my girlfriends lived far away and were not accessible all the time, and the friends I did have at home, were torn because most of them were also very close with my ex. So it was complicated. I felt more alone than ever. I kept getting random text messages from blocked numbers saying mean things, add on twitter accounts sending me relationship guidance via tweet, and even weird emails saying how dumb i was for breaking up with my ex.. life was just hard.
I did see ammon a few times that fall, and finally in late November I told him that I wanted to date him. No more back and forth. He was the one I wanted and I had made up my mind. He came up for Thanksgiving, and i was thinking we were good to go. Things were going to be awesome. Our first night together he told me he had decided to date someone else... that he had tried so many times with me and it just seemed a little pointless. He finally had found a girl that he was interested in and felt like he needed to pursue that relationship. SUCK. So that was cool.......... he had a new gf and i was back at square one.
After that experience, I sort of thought "maybe that is all I needed. Maybe I just needed to make up my mind, go one direction, and let the Lord correct the path if it wasn't right. which he obviously did, so i guess it just wasnt right" Sooo my ex and I sort of started trying to figure things out again. Things were awesome. I felt happy, he was happy, and we were both working on things.
Then about a week before Christmas.. we got in a huge fight. I had found a few things out that I had been lied to about, and he was not happy about the whole Ammon deal. (which we could never get past) I remember I was driving down to Orem to meet up with some old soccer friends for dinner. He called...We were on the phone together just having it out.. my blood was boiling.. I was so MAD. How had I trusted someone so much.. just to have been lied to about the dumbest things! He was so MAD, I was so MAD, and we were full on yelling at each other over the phone. I was bawling.. which is a major side effect of me being utterly pissed (it just happens.. i swear i cant control it. haha). Anyway i ended up going to dinner, having a great conversation with my gf's and then headed home for the Hansen Family Annual Dessert night.
He came, and things were awkward. We tried to be normal, but i was still so mad. The next day he was texting me about the whole deal asking if I was "Okay?" and i lost it. Basically I was like.. I need my space.. dont talk to me anymore. Don't talk to me ever again. I had finally had my "that's the last straw" type of moment and i was just done. So sick of all the drama. sick of the confusion. sick of doing things I knew deep down were never going to work.
Then something miraculous happened.. The next day or so later.. i got a text from Ammon saying that he had broken up with his girlfriend and he really needed to talk to me and wanted to get together.
Soooo we did. Right before Christmas we met up, talked and things were really good! Like all the bad stuff we had been through didn't matter anymore and we were just on the same page. It was weird, and yet not weird at all. That's how things always were with Ammon. I saw Ammon everyday after that. He was again moving back down to Dixie after New Years, and after only spending about 10 days together... I had developed a sweet little surprise of my own.
So it was the day.. July 4th to be exact. My missionary was finally coming home. I am not going to go into details about this day.. cuz lets be real.. it doesn't matter. I did go to the airport and yes we did hug. hahah! I remember being so nervous because people had told me "that first hug tells a lot.. you will be able to know instantly if it is right or not". I remember in the moment feeling so overwhelmed and so happy. But I also very distinctly remember thinking while he was hugging me for the first time.. "ummm k can we stop now? That's good enough for now.".. I think a lot of that was because I was so embarrassed having everyone and their dogs watching us, cheering, clapping, etc... and I hated having all eyes on me. But I also think this was a good indication of the future.
I will be 100% honest. I was absolutely on cloud 9. The following days and weeks were magical. We talked about getting married the day after he got home (the first official day he was released as a missionary), and knew it was what we both wanted. As time went on, we could not figure out the timing of when exactly we should get married, but we both knew it was going to happen. Then I had this thought.. "you have prayed and prayed about this for two years, and here it is and you haven't even prayed to see if it is right. You haven't even asked for guidance.".... That night I prayed for the first time since he had gotten home about marrying this boy I was crazy about.
My prayer was simple. Probably nothing too deep, but sincere in the fact that I wanted to know if it was right that we got married. Strangely enough the second my prayer was over.. instant pit in my stomach. I brushed it off thinking "no way.. there is no way that this is a 'no'... i just want a confirmation that this is indeed right."... So i kept praying. Every night after that night.. same thing. Things started getting crazy. Every time i was around my boyfriend, random things would bother me. The pit in my stomach would come. I kept avoiding it thinking "There is literally no way that this isnt right"... Whenever he would bring up marriage.. i no longer knew what to say. Instant pit. .. This went on for a few weeks. Of course there were really good times too. That's what made it so difficult.. the feelings of 'not right' were not always consistent.
Thoughts of Ammon started creeping into my mind. All. The. Time. It was annoyinggggg. I would be cuddling with my boyfriend thinking "i wish his chest was more comfortable like Ammon's" (ISN'T THAT SO BAD?!) I would see pictures of Ammon on FB with other girls and it would piss me off. Like bug me soo bad. Around this same time I was so irritated with praying that i decided to fast. I fasted for 3 Sundays straight.. and felt like I had gotten no answer. I was so frustrated. The 3rd Sunday I was at my wits end. I knew that I had received my answer that I should NOT marry my boyfriend, but instead needed to break up with him. WHAT THE CRAP. I was so sick to my stomach. I was scared. I had no plan. I was in love with him.. WHY WHY WHY was this not right? I literally had no answers. No reason not to marry him. (that i could see?) Our relationship was a good one, he made me happy, of course we had our issues, but doesn't everyone?
I was pissed. So i went home from church. Marched to my room. Collapsed on the floor, and started praying. I poured my heard out to my Savior. Instead of asking him if I should or shouldn't, I told him. I told him everything I wanted in my life. What qualities I wanted in my husband, the family I wanted to have, the career and future I wanted for myself. I remember finishing with "let me know who this person is that will help give me these things. And if I haven't met them, please help me to know when i finally do." As soon as I pulled myself together enough to head back upstairs.. I had a simple thought "That's Ammon". And in that moment I knew for myself that it was true. And the next day I broke up with my boyfriend. For no reason other than I just didn't feel good about things. I was confused.
I hadnt talked to ammon in months. He was in St George living the single life and reaping the benefits of being a freaking all star on the baseball team. :) One day, I got a random text from him.. which sparked conversation. He asked how things were ... actually I think his phrasing was "so when are you getting married?" haha. I told him we had broken up. The convo was short but it was good.
Things over the next few months are a blur. I had classes with my ex boyfriend at the U, we occasionally carpooled to school together, and it was hard to stay away from each other. We still talked a lot, we hung out together frequently, but we were no longer together. Confusing. It was really hard making that official CUT. Ammon and I talked a lot too. But he was dating like crazy down at Dixie. Everyday (i kid you not) I would get a text around 5:30 that said "hey going on date tonight.. gotta go. have a good night"... or something along those lines.It was a little annoying because I though he for sure had to have a girlfriend that he was not telling me about. He assured me he was just dating a lot.
During these months I went through a lot of crap. And I put a lot of people through crap. I was exhausted emotionally, physically, and spiritually. My family was sick of hearing about everything, all my girlfriends lived far away and were not accessible all the time, and the friends I did have at home, were torn because most of them were also very close with my ex. So it was complicated. I felt more alone than ever. I kept getting random text messages from blocked numbers saying mean things, add on twitter accounts sending me relationship guidance via tweet, and even weird emails saying how dumb i was for breaking up with my ex.. life was just hard.
I did see ammon a few times that fall, and finally in late November I told him that I wanted to date him. No more back and forth. He was the one I wanted and I had made up my mind. He came up for Thanksgiving, and i was thinking we were good to go. Things were going to be awesome. Our first night together he told me he had decided to date someone else... that he had tried so many times with me and it just seemed a little pointless. He finally had found a girl that he was interested in and felt like he needed to pursue that relationship. SUCK. So that was cool.......... he had a new gf and i was back at square one.
After that experience, I sort of thought "maybe that is all I needed. Maybe I just needed to make up my mind, go one direction, and let the Lord correct the path if it wasn't right. which he obviously did, so i guess it just wasnt right" Sooo my ex and I sort of started trying to figure things out again. Things were awesome. I felt happy, he was happy, and we were both working on things.
Then about a week before Christmas.. we got in a huge fight. I had found a few things out that I had been lied to about, and he was not happy about the whole Ammon deal. (which we could never get past) I remember I was driving down to Orem to meet up with some old soccer friends for dinner. He called...We were on the phone together just having it out.. my blood was boiling.. I was so MAD. How had I trusted someone so much.. just to have been lied to about the dumbest things! He was so MAD, I was so MAD, and we were full on yelling at each other over the phone. I was bawling.. which is a major side effect of me being utterly pissed (it just happens.. i swear i cant control it. haha). Anyway i ended up going to dinner, having a great conversation with my gf's and then headed home for the Hansen Family Annual Dessert night.
He came, and things were awkward. We tried to be normal, but i was still so mad. The next day he was texting me about the whole deal asking if I was "Okay?" and i lost it. Basically I was like.. I need my space.. dont talk to me anymore. Don't talk to me ever again. I had finally had my "that's the last straw" type of moment and i was just done. So sick of all the drama. sick of the confusion. sick of doing things I knew deep down were never going to work.
Then something miraculous happened.. The next day or so later.. i got a text from Ammon saying that he had broken up with his girlfriend and he really needed to talk to me and wanted to get together.
Soooo we did. Right before Christmas we met up, talked and things were really good! Like all the bad stuff we had been through didn't matter anymore and we were just on the same page. It was weird, and yet not weird at all. That's how things always were with Ammon. I saw Ammon everyday after that. He was again moving back down to Dixie after New Years, and after only spending about 10 days together... I had developed a sweet little surprise of my own.
Kali left this morning.
I don't feel like it has hit me yet that she is gone, and I have already gone to text her TWICE today. I am screwed. I hate that it seems like I get the closest to my siblings right BEFORE they leave on their missions. It's unfortunate and a blessing all in one.
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| at the Airport at 5:00 AM this morning. Woof. |
I am so proud of Kalinee. She is going to be an amazing missionary. She gave an awesome farewell talk in church and has one of the most solid testimonies. She has such a light about her, and she is SO excited to serve a mission. The 'Kalinee' type of excitement is what made she and I not see 'eye-to-eye' for so long (she was a little too dramatic and over the top for me), but I am soo grateful for that excitement and energy now. I have come to appreciate who Kali is and what she is all about. She is going to bless so many people!
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| This picture is just for your viewing pleasure. |
Finally I am getting caught up on our love story! You can check out the post before this here.
It was Ammon's last night at home in Pleasant Grove, and he had a LOT to do. I drove down to visit him and to say our goodbyes. I don't even remember what we did that night, but I definitely remember Ammon walking me to my car. We stood there talking, and then he wrapped me up in a big ol hug. The next thing I knew, I heard Ammon say "I love you Hay". WTH. My heart was pounding like crazy. I had never let my thoughts go there. I knew deep down that I was in love with Ammon, but I did NOT want to admit that to myself. The next thing I knew.. I was saying "I love you too". I felt so confused, and at the same time I felt so much relief! It felt good to have that off my chest. I remember we said something like "well I guess we will see if 'Distance really does make the heart fonder!'" And I left.
On my way home, I vividly remember having a freak out. LIKE WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED? I was not ready to say those words, but I also knew they were true and real. It just scared the living crap out of me that I had just told Ammon that I loved him.
School started at the U, and I loved it. I joined an LDS sorority and met so many amazing girls. Ammon was down at Dixie and fall baseball was in full swing. I can't even tell you how many times I went to st george that fall. Like all the time. Any chance I could. Even more crazy, Ammon did the same thing. One weekend he came up just to take me to the State Fair. I had been telling him how much i wanted to go, and the next thing i knew, he surprised me and off we went. That was a night for the books. We went on this crazy ride, I think it was called something like The Gravitron 2000. Anyway this ride was insane. You basically get inside this dome, and it spins around and naturally forces you against the walls... well somehow I ended upside down slammed against the wall.. and I looked over and Ammon was in the same position right next to me! hahah then he leaned in and kissed me. My heart fluttered. Man it was so romantic. :) hehe. But really it was such a good night.
Honestly things were amazing. We texted all day every day. I always woke up to a 'good morning beautiful' text, and the conversations continued through my commute, through all my classes, through work at the soap factory, until we could finally call each other at night. Sometimes we could sneak a call in while I was driving to work and he was heading to baseball. Oh and so you know.... yes. I was still writing the missionary every Sunday night. I was so happy, confused, and depressed all in one. There were days I couldn't stop thinking about Ammon, and other days I couldn't wait for my missionary to come home. What a mess.
So then November rolled around. We had been talking and saying I LOVE YOU for like 4 months by this point. Finally Ammon and I talked and he told me that he really needed me to pray and figure things out with my missionary. He knew things were confusing for me, and it was just as confusing for him. So i started reading my scriptures, fasting, and praying to know what to do regarding the situation. It was a stressful time for the both of us. We tried to forget that I was trying to get answers, but it was pretty inevitable. After a few weeks of not getting any answers, i remember I was driving to the U for class. I was obviously thinking about the situation and was frustrated because i hadn't received any 'big answer'. And then it HIT me like a freaking brick. The thought came into my head clear as day "You can't ask for things when you already know what want". Looking back, I can easily see what the Lord was trying to teach me. But in the moment, it was... "WELL DUH! the answer is the missionary then! Ammon and i are just not meant to be." eeek right?
So i called Ammon up, told him what I had felt.. and off we went. We stopped saying I love you, we didn't talk nearly as much, and things were just not good. He went on vacation with his family to disneyland, and occasionally we would send 'flirty' texts that would make me happy, but things were just not the same. When he got home, we went to lunch at Training Table to talk things over. Things did NOT go well, and we said our final goodbyes. We didn't talk at all after that. The holidays went by, and nothing. New Years came, Nothing. School started. Nothing. I remember missing Ammon sooo incredibly much. I thought about him all the time. There were so many days i would wake up thinking "today is the day! I am going to text Ammon". But everyday I could never bring myself to do that to him again. I knew in my heart that I wanted to be around when the missionary got home, and so... there was no point in me contacting Ammon just to break his heart in a few months when my mish got home. It was so hard. I am dead serious when i say.. EVERY single day that is all i could think about was talking to Ammon. I MISSED HIM like crazy. Then, something happened.
It was late February 2011, I was sitting in my family studies class, surfing the internet like any good student does :) when all of a sudden Ammon's name popped up on my phone. HE TEXTED ME! A simple little one line text with an inside joke between the two of us. I swear my heart skipped a beat. That was it. One text and we were right back to where we left off 3 months before.
Ammon and I kept talking.. all the time. I drove to st. george all the time. I hardly missed any of his home games that season. He could never come up to SLC because his schedule was too intense with baseball, but we made it work. I basically lived in st george that semester. Somehow i even managed to pass my classes at the U.
Then.. what do you know.. the semester ended, and Ammon moved home. I was leaving for a month to go to Africa, and Italy.. and I started flipping out AGAIN. The day after I got home from my month long vacation was the day that my missionary was finally coming home. So what did I do? I ended things with Ammon as soon as the semester ended. We talked a few times up until I left (the first week of june), but it was nothing. My missionary was coming home and I couldn't wait! I was so excited and just knew that things were going to be amazing. I know I was rude. I know I should have handled the situation differently, but there was so much anticipation, so much to prepare for my trip, and so many emotions..that my way of handling Ammon was to avoid that anything had ever happened. Sad, but true.
Then I left for Africa. I was in Kenya for 3 weeks, and in Italy for 9 days. I got home on the 3rd of July, and my missionary was set to get home on the 4th. Instead of flying straight to slc, he flew to florida where his family was vacationing. I had received a few texts from him while he was in florida and I was in Italy. I was so excited to get home and see him! His mom texted me on the 3rd (I had just landed from italy) and told me that I better be at the airport the next day to welcome him home. She told me he was excited to see me and that he was just as cute as ever. I'll be honest.. my heart was so full of anticipation. I KNEW that he was the one for me, and the reunion was just one day away!
It was Ammon's last night at home in Pleasant Grove, and he had a LOT to do. I drove down to visit him and to say our goodbyes. I don't even remember what we did that night, but I definitely remember Ammon walking me to my car. We stood there talking, and then he wrapped me up in a big ol hug. The next thing I knew, I heard Ammon say "I love you Hay". WTH. My heart was pounding like crazy. I had never let my thoughts go there. I knew deep down that I was in love with Ammon, but I did NOT want to admit that to myself. The next thing I knew.. I was saying "I love you too". I felt so confused, and at the same time I felt so much relief! It felt good to have that off my chest. I remember we said something like "well I guess we will see if 'Distance really does make the heart fonder!'" And I left.
On my way home, I vividly remember having a freak out. LIKE WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED? I was not ready to say those words, but I also knew they were true and real. It just scared the living crap out of me that I had just told Ammon that I loved him.
School started at the U, and I loved it. I joined an LDS sorority and met so many amazing girls. Ammon was down at Dixie and fall baseball was in full swing. I can't even tell you how many times I went to st george that fall. Like all the time. Any chance I could. Even more crazy, Ammon did the same thing. One weekend he came up just to take me to the State Fair. I had been telling him how much i wanted to go, and the next thing i knew, he surprised me and off we went. That was a night for the books. We went on this crazy ride, I think it was called something like The Gravitron 2000. Anyway this ride was insane. You basically get inside this dome, and it spins around and naturally forces you against the walls... well somehow I ended upside down slammed against the wall.. and I looked over and Ammon was in the same position right next to me! hahah then he leaned in and kissed me. My heart fluttered. Man it was so romantic. :) hehe. But really it was such a good night.
Honestly things were amazing. We texted all day every day. I always woke up to a 'good morning beautiful' text, and the conversations continued through my commute, through all my classes, through work at the soap factory, until we could finally call each other at night. Sometimes we could sneak a call in while I was driving to work and he was heading to baseball. Oh and so you know.... yes. I was still writing the missionary every Sunday night. I was so happy, confused, and depressed all in one. There were days I couldn't stop thinking about Ammon, and other days I couldn't wait for my missionary to come home. What a mess.
So then November rolled around. We had been talking and saying I LOVE YOU for like 4 months by this point. Finally Ammon and I talked and he told me that he really needed me to pray and figure things out with my missionary. He knew things were confusing for me, and it was just as confusing for him. So i started reading my scriptures, fasting, and praying to know what to do regarding the situation. It was a stressful time for the both of us. We tried to forget that I was trying to get answers, but it was pretty inevitable. After a few weeks of not getting any answers, i remember I was driving to the U for class. I was obviously thinking about the situation and was frustrated because i hadn't received any 'big answer'. And then it HIT me like a freaking brick. The thought came into my head clear as day "You can't ask for things when you already know what want". Looking back, I can easily see what the Lord was trying to teach me. But in the moment, it was... "WELL DUH! the answer is the missionary then! Ammon and i are just not meant to be." eeek right?
So i called Ammon up, told him what I had felt.. and off we went. We stopped saying I love you, we didn't talk nearly as much, and things were just not good. He went on vacation with his family to disneyland, and occasionally we would send 'flirty' texts that would make me happy, but things were just not the same. When he got home, we went to lunch at Training Table to talk things over. Things did NOT go well, and we said our final goodbyes. We didn't talk at all after that. The holidays went by, and nothing. New Years came, Nothing. School started. Nothing. I remember missing Ammon sooo incredibly much. I thought about him all the time. There were so many days i would wake up thinking "today is the day! I am going to text Ammon". But everyday I could never bring myself to do that to him again. I knew in my heart that I wanted to be around when the missionary got home, and so... there was no point in me contacting Ammon just to break his heart in a few months when my mish got home. It was so hard. I am dead serious when i say.. EVERY single day that is all i could think about was talking to Ammon. I MISSED HIM like crazy. Then, something happened.
It was late February 2011, I was sitting in my family studies class, surfing the internet like any good student does :) when all of a sudden Ammon's name popped up on my phone. HE TEXTED ME! A simple little one line text with an inside joke between the two of us. I swear my heart skipped a beat. That was it. One text and we were right back to where we left off 3 months before.
Ammon and I kept talking.. all the time. I drove to st. george all the time. I hardly missed any of his home games that season. He could never come up to SLC because his schedule was too intense with baseball, but we made it work. I basically lived in st george that semester. Somehow i even managed to pass my classes at the U.
Then.. what do you know.. the semester ended, and Ammon moved home. I was leaving for a month to go to Africa, and Italy.. and I started flipping out AGAIN. The day after I got home from my month long vacation was the day that my missionary was finally coming home. So what did I do? I ended things with Ammon as soon as the semester ended. We talked a few times up until I left (the first week of june), but it was nothing. My missionary was coming home and I couldn't wait! I was so excited and just knew that things were going to be amazing. I know I was rude. I know I should have handled the situation differently, but there was so much anticipation, so much to prepare for my trip, and so many emotions..that my way of handling Ammon was to avoid that anything had ever happened. Sad, but true.
Then I left for Africa. I was in Kenya for 3 weeks, and in Italy for 9 days. I got home on the 3rd of July, and my missionary was set to get home on the 4th. Instead of flying straight to slc, he flew to florida where his family was vacationing. I had received a few texts from him while he was in florida and I was in Italy. I was so excited to get home and see him! His mom texted me on the 3rd (I had just landed from italy) and told me that I better be at the airport the next day to welcome him home. She told me he was excited to see me and that he was just as cute as ever. I'll be honest.. my heart was so full of anticipation. I KNEW that he was the one for me, and the reunion was just one day away!
Well it's official. Our cute little St George house is finally sold. If you remember, it went under contract back in January! WHAT?!!! Well after a series of unfortunate events.. (our loan company sold our loan mid process, then our buyers no longer qualified with the new company)... the house went back on the market in mid march. After a few offers that just didn't feel right, we finally accepted an offer at the beginning of June. It was such a relief! Let me tell you... making a mortgage payment AND paying rent (our new apt) that is just as much if not more than our mortgage.. is NOT fun. Somehow though, Ammon and I were able to do if for 6 months with out having to break into our emergency savings account.
I will be honest, for so long I just could not wait to get this house off our hands. It was a pain in the butt making two payments and not knowing what the future would hold with that house. But then, all of a sudden when I went to sign the papers to SELL the dang thing.. it was SO hard. It seemed like every memory of that house went flying through my mind. Not to mention it was Ammon and I's first big purchase as a couple. Then, to make matters worse.. Ammon and I stopped by to visit the house before it officially sold.. and my heart seriously ACHED. I LOVED that little house. It was perfect for us. We loved our neighborhood, our ward, and I just COULDN'T wait to raise our first children there. We had plenty of room to grow into the house.. and boy we had planned on doing so. I imagined one of the spare bedrooms filled with a crib and rocker, i imagined a toddler taking their first steps in the kitchen. It was perfect.
So as you can imagine, signing my name on that little line was so bittersweet. Sweet because finallyyyy Ammon and I can start working towards some of our financial goals we set this year. Bitter because I just loved that house so much that it is so hard knowing it's not ours anymore. But that being said, I am so grateful that Ammon and I had the ability to sell the house and that we could make some money off of it too. I am mostly grateful for the memories we had there and the wonderful people we were able to meet. I can't think about it too long or else I will start tearing up again!
BYE BYE Barcelona Road #85. We will miss you SO much.
Since starting my job at Young Living i have gotten asked over and over again what exactly I do at my job. And since i have so many cool places i have gone and things I have been able to do in my short time here.. i figure i better explain.
Young Living (or YL) is an essential oil company. It is also a network marketing company. Meaning, a multilevel marketing, or pyramid type company. If you want to buy their products, you can sign up as a YL member and get discounts, while also giving yourself the ability to sell or distribute the products. Many members choose to build a business selling YL products and are veryyy successful. We are talking like 50k-200k a month. yes. you read that right. PER MONTH. So, basically what happens is there are tonz of people that sign up to be a member. When an area in the country is growing very rapidly (meaning a lot of sign ups).. thats what we call an Area of Growth. So then, the corporate office says "we need to host a training meeting there". And that is where I step in.
Every month I go 'on the road' for one week. Typically, I leave Monday morning or sunday night, and I come home on Friday morning. During this week, I travel to 3-4 cities around the nation and present an 'Intro Meeting'. We fly out every morning, land, get ready for the meeting, give the meeting, go to bed late, and do it all over again the next day. This meeting is something that I, along with a few coworkers, have put together that teaches people about YL, essential oils, how to use them, and some of our popular and new products. These meetings last around an hour and a half to two hours. And yes.. I am talking for that whole time. :) I have a powerpoint that I use to guide my presentation, and then we just go for it! Usually anywhere from 50-500 people attend these meetings and they are simply a way for people to learn about young living and essential oils in general. Long story short.. I am a public speaker... but it is so much more than that. I get to interact with individuals nationwide and i get to hear testimonials of how these products have literally changed people's lives for the better. IT IS SO REWARDING. I really love what i do!!!! I am one of the few corporate employees who gets to go out and meet our members. Not only is talking with these people rewarding, but it is also very fulfilling knowing that i work for a company that is impacting so many people around the world!
Since march i have been able to go to Seattle, california, new mexico, oklahoma, tennesee, kansas, colorado, new jersey, new york, massachesetts, west virginia, pennsylvania, and ohio. Being on the road is like a balancing act. I am exhausted, but love what i do. I miss ammon, but the time away makes my heart even more fond of that man. :) The meetings are a little stressful and i always get a little nervous, but like i said, it is so rewarding! :) I feel so blessed to be a part of this company and i truly believe i have the best job ever!
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| Anchorage Alaska! So pretty. One of my favorite places i have been |
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| The top of Flat Top Hike |
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| Convention Gala night. So fun getting all fancy! |
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| YL hired Train to preform a private concert for the members at convention! |
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| My lovely coworkers who I LOVE so much |
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| Umm how amazing is this MASSIVE picture of the YL Lavender farms in Mona Utah? This was at Convention too |
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| These are some of the amazing people i get to present with on special occasion! |
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| Me and Haley at a Nitro event in New Jersey |
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| ...... and this is why i wear heels. and stand on stage. |
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| 27lb brick of solid gold. Pretty sweet!! |
I was reading through old posts and there seems to be so many things I haven't blogged about. And yet, sometimes I feel as though my life never really changes. I also realized that I LOVE going back and reading about different portions of my life, my thoughts, and so on. So, here is a little update on the happenings around the Zitting household. I have come to understand that I will never be a blogger with actual pictures taken on a camera.. so just get use to my old iphone pics! :)
My BF Whitley got married in St. George! It was the best day. She is so so happy. Her and her husband are one of those couples that are just so madly in love and you can feel it just by being around them. It was so fun being back in st. george with Whitley and Min (my two roommates while i lived there). Man we have some good memories together!
Work is absolutely crazy. I have been gone on the road 3 out of the last 4 weeks. This is definitely abnormal. The weird thing is.. I actually LOVE being on the road. It is the one part of my job that I love the most. In the past 2 weeks I have been able to travel to Alaska (fairbanks and anchorage), West Virginia, New York, Pennsylvania, and Ohio. Talk about crazy. Refer to this post to read about what I do while I am gone :)
I turned 24! Eekk. To me that sounds so old. I had the best birthday ever! I headed out shopping with my mom and sister.. then that night we went to dinner (at Settebellos.. my favorite) with ammon's family and headed to the Bee's game with some of my closest friends. I told Ammon that it was the 'IDEAL Birthday' because i was able to see and spend time with so many of my closest loved ones. I am definitely one who finds joy through quality time spent with loved ones!
My BF Whitley got married in St. George! It was the best day. She is so so happy. Her and her husband are one of those couples that are just so madly in love and you can feel it just by being around them. It was so fun being back in st. george with Whitley and Min (my two roommates while i lived there). Man we have some good memories together!
Jess, my other bf, had her SECOND baby! omg. Ammon and I were able to go to the hospital just after Carter had been born.. we were able to watch as they introduced him to his older brother Emmitt. Holy cow.. what a special moment. I cannot wait to have kids someday. Carter is the sweetest and I just love observing Jess be a mom. I hope I can be like her one day! She truly is such a good mother.
Ammon and I got adventurous and went on a little hike for memorial day. We had a blast up at Stewart falls and I got FRIED!
My little brother Teagan plays on the Jordan High baseball team. They took state this year! It was fun to go back to the baseball games and cheer for my beetdiggers! I'm a digger til i die! :)
For the 4th of July, Ammon and I went with my family to Stadium of Fire! I had never been before and I was blown away. Ammon kept saying (and still does).."BYU does things right babe.. i have been trying to tell you this for sooo long!" hahaha he will never shake the UTE out of me.
My family also has the tradition of going to the Oakley Rodeo every summer. My grandpa gets tickets for all of us in the same section EVERY year. He LOVES the rodeo and always makes sure that our seats are ideal to watch the bull riding. I love this tradition and was glad that Ammon and I could go this year.
In other news.. Cam Cam (my camry that i have had since i was 16) finally died. It was our plan all along to drive that thing into the ground, but we for sure thought we at least had a few more years with the thing! Sooo drum roll please.. last weekend ammon and i bought a brand new car! It was a whole new experience for me test driving new cars because it was not something that I would be able to have. Well.. Ammon and I finally settled on the Kia Optima.. it was one of the only cars that we BOTH liked.. (am says my style is too girly) and knowing that someday ammon will most likely end up driving this car.. it was important that he liked it too. We are in this thing for the long haul! I am sooo happy though and it feels weird driving such a nice new car!
Am's sister and brother in law and my two nephews came to visit from Rhode Island. I can't even tell you how fun it was to have all my nephews and niece in ONE place! Pure Heave!
Ammon and I are celebrating our 2 year anniversary this weekend. Crazy crazy. Time goes by so fast and at the same time it feels like i have been married to that boy forever. best decision i ever made.
Ammon and I are finally settled into life in northern Utah. We LOVE it here. We recently visited St. George and I asked Ammon if he missed St. George. I was pleasantly surprised by his answer... because it was the exact way i felt towards our previous home too.
Ammon misses the flexibility of his old job.. golfing once a week, going in whenever he wanted, leaving whenever he wanted, and taking days off when he needed to. It was great. But he doesn't miss his actual job.. just the perks that came along with it. He misses our ward... we truly had the best ward ever. And of course, he missed our friends. Oh! And how could I forget.. he missed our house. (still a sensitive subject)
The sad, and yet not-so-sad reality is, there aren't too many things that we reallyyyyy miss about st. george. We stay in touch with friends and family there, we visit occasionally, but overall... we can easily see why this sudden and unexpected move to Lehi was just what the Lord had planned for us. last December when this big change came into our life if you would have told me that I would feel this way .. I wouln't have believed you. But isn't that what is so great about following our Heavenly Father's council? While things are terrifying, scary, intimidating, and down right crazy... over time we see just why we were guided to do those things. I love that! Time nearly always gives perspective.
Friday night i ran a late night errand to Smiths to buy some baking ingredients. I only took my wallet since it was going to be such a quick trip to the store. On my way out, I bought a Redbox. I went home, and put my wallet back on the counter, but NOT in my purse.
So Saturday morning I woke up, went to the gym (no wallet), came home got ready and headed to a baby shower. I remember vividly thinking "grab your wallet and put it in your purse so you can get gas". After the shower i headed straight up to my mom's house so we could go to the What Women Want show at the expo center. We headed down together and after about 30 minutes at the expo, i went to pay for something and my wallet was gone! I had a moment of pure panic. I could have SWORN i put my wallet in my purse. So i called ammon who was at home.. sadly.. no wallet at home. My mom reassured me that it probably just fell out in my car, which was totally realistic and so i carried on with no worries. At this point i really hadn't thought about praying because i just knew it was in my car (DUMB). After the show i looked in my moms car.. no wallet. We got to my parents house and I checked my car... No wallet. Now i really started to panic, we drove down to my house in Lehi and rummaged through the house.. no wallet. I was freaking out. I called my bank.. no charges had been made but i was getting worried. It was like my wallet disappeared out of thin air. literally. We continued looking, but it was no where to be found. I said a silent prayer that i would find my wallet and went on with the night. We headed to dinner with nate and sheena, and then went to nickelcade.
Sunday morning i woke up and panic really set in. I am supposed to travel in two weeks for work and NEED my license since my passport has the wrong name. Plus, my company card was in my wallet along with my 3 debit/credit cards, health insurance cards, etc.. so i was really stressing. Nothing says 'IRRESPONSIBLE' like losing your company card in your first 5 months of working for a new company. I will be honest.. at this point i thought the wallet was gone for good and my faith was really lacking. I had called Smiths and the Expo center numerous times.. and no wallet. I had prayed to find it or be guided to find it.. no wallet and no spiritual comfort.
We headed to church and i was a wreck. I was stressed, worried, and completely lacking faith. All during the sacrament I was just praying and crying(embarrassing) that I would find the wallet. I truly felt so unworthy to ask for help.. i was reflecting on my weaknesses and how many things i 'can do better'. I knew i could do better at reading my scriptures/praying/serving others.. and so I was depressed and wishing i could have a do-over so that i could feel confident in asking for help. DUH. that is how Satan wanted me to feel. Anyway, so i started praying that someone else who is worthy of a blessing (so dumb i really felt that way) would find my wallet and that i would be able to be guided to find them. I headed to relief society and the lesson was on faith. Ironic right? I knew I just needed to have faith in my heavenly father that he would at some point answer my prayer.. and if not, then it was a trial that I was meant to have. I can't even tell you how many prayers I said that day.. just pleading that i would be able to somehow find my wallet. Still no charges had been made, but I was almost wishing that they were so I could tell my boss my wallet got stolen, and not that i 'lost' it. I pretty much decided it was gone for good, and I said a prayer something like "heavenly father i know you can help me, and i know i shouldn't put a time limit on you answering my prayers, but if i can't find it today i have to start working to fix it tomorrow so I can travel for work. please please please guide me"...... i felt so bad even saying those words but i was thinking it, so I knew my heavenly father already knew.
Ammon and I drove up to the expo center to see if maybe it fell out in the parking lot. No luck. I was feeling so exhausted and down, and even told ammon that I would fix it all starting in the morning. On our way to my parents I felt like I should call the expo again to see if they had found it while cleaning. I called and the man on the other end kept asking me all these questions about my wallet.. which i thought was weird..and finally he said "yup we have it here! Someone just turned it in!" I was screaming and crying and totally overreacting, and in the moment I had an overwhelming feeling of love that i knew was sent directly from my heavenly father. I knew he answered my prayers and I knew he was the reason I found the dang wallet. I have no idea how my wallet fell out of my purse.. but somehow it did and someone with integrity found it!
We drove back, i went in and confirmed that the wallet was indeed mine, and left crying tears of happiness. I cannot tell you how much this silly little story has strengthened my testimony of my savior. I know he lives. I know that he hears and answers our prayers. He knows that sometimes we feel inadequate, but he makes up the difference anyway. He loves us each so much! He knows who we are and the things that are important to us as individuals. He is my Savior and I am so grateful for him.
Also to make the story better.. i found this note inside my wallet....
So Saturday morning I woke up, went to the gym (no wallet), came home got ready and headed to a baby shower. I remember vividly thinking "grab your wallet and put it in your purse so you can get gas". After the shower i headed straight up to my mom's house so we could go to the What Women Want show at the expo center. We headed down together and after about 30 minutes at the expo, i went to pay for something and my wallet was gone! I had a moment of pure panic. I could have SWORN i put my wallet in my purse. So i called ammon who was at home.. sadly.. no wallet at home. My mom reassured me that it probably just fell out in my car, which was totally realistic and so i carried on with no worries. At this point i really hadn't thought about praying because i just knew it was in my car (DUMB). After the show i looked in my moms car.. no wallet. We got to my parents house and I checked my car... No wallet. Now i really started to panic, we drove down to my house in Lehi and rummaged through the house.. no wallet. I was freaking out. I called my bank.. no charges had been made but i was getting worried. It was like my wallet disappeared out of thin air. literally. We continued looking, but it was no where to be found. I said a silent prayer that i would find my wallet and went on with the night. We headed to dinner with nate and sheena, and then went to nickelcade.
Sunday morning i woke up and panic really set in. I am supposed to travel in two weeks for work and NEED my license since my passport has the wrong name. Plus, my company card was in my wallet along with my 3 debit/credit cards, health insurance cards, etc.. so i was really stressing. Nothing says 'IRRESPONSIBLE' like losing your company card in your first 5 months of working for a new company. I will be honest.. at this point i thought the wallet was gone for good and my faith was really lacking. I had called Smiths and the Expo center numerous times.. and no wallet. I had prayed to find it or be guided to find it.. no wallet and no spiritual comfort.
We headed to church and i was a wreck. I was stressed, worried, and completely lacking faith. All during the sacrament I was just praying and crying(embarrassing) that I would find the wallet. I truly felt so unworthy to ask for help.. i was reflecting on my weaknesses and how many things i 'can do better'. I knew i could do better at reading my scriptures/praying/serving others.. and so I was depressed and wishing i could have a do-over so that i could feel confident in asking for help. DUH. that is how Satan wanted me to feel. Anyway, so i started praying that someone else who is worthy of a blessing (so dumb i really felt that way) would find my wallet and that i would be able to be guided to find them. I headed to relief society and the lesson was on faith. Ironic right? I knew I just needed to have faith in my heavenly father that he would at some point answer my prayer.. and if not, then it was a trial that I was meant to have. I can't even tell you how many prayers I said that day.. just pleading that i would be able to somehow find my wallet. Still no charges had been made, but I was almost wishing that they were so I could tell my boss my wallet got stolen, and not that i 'lost' it. I pretty much decided it was gone for good, and I said a prayer something like "heavenly father i know you can help me, and i know i shouldn't put a time limit on you answering my prayers, but if i can't find it today i have to start working to fix it tomorrow so I can travel for work. please please please guide me"...... i felt so bad even saying those words but i was thinking it, so I knew my heavenly father already knew.
Ammon and I drove up to the expo center to see if maybe it fell out in the parking lot. No luck. I was feeling so exhausted and down, and even told ammon that I would fix it all starting in the morning. On our way to my parents I felt like I should call the expo again to see if they had found it while cleaning. I called and the man on the other end kept asking me all these questions about my wallet.. which i thought was weird..and finally he said "yup we have it here! Someone just turned it in!" I was screaming and crying and totally overreacting, and in the moment I had an overwhelming feeling of love that i knew was sent directly from my heavenly father. I knew he answered my prayers and I knew he was the reason I found the dang wallet. I have no idea how my wallet fell out of my purse.. but somehow it did and someone with integrity found it!
We drove back, i went in and confirmed that the wallet was indeed mine, and left crying tears of happiness. I cannot tell you how much this silly little story has strengthened my testimony of my savior. I know he lives. I know that he hears and answers our prayers. He knows that sometimes we feel inadequate, but he makes up the difference anyway. He loves us each so much! He knows who we are and the things that are important to us as individuals. He is my Savior and I am so grateful for him.
Also to make the story better.. i found this note inside my wallet....
Ammon's response was my favorite.. "what the!? does it not say you're married on your license?!" hahah i laugh every time i think about it.
I am a terrible blogger. A lot has happened but not a lot has changed. A quick update via pics will suffice for now..
I headed to Seattle (and Cali, New Mexico, and Denver) for work earlier this month and absolutely fell in love with the city. I had the best salmon i have ever had.. and that's saying something for someone who doesnt like seafood.
I found the cutest shoes at Nike.. originally 130.. marked to 44. SO mad i had to pass them up considering i had just washed my 5 pairs of frees the week before. Which then let ammon on to how many pairs of nike's i have (8). eek.
I survived my business trip as a presenter! BIG WAhOO! Presented in four states in four days and had a great time. I. LOVE. MY. JOB.
I ordered my first swimsuit of the season. I thought i was 'over' chevron.. and then i bought this. I don't regret it, but i do regret not working out for the past few months. (can you say eek) :)
I have however rediscovered my love for hot yoga. I got a groupon for a studio up here and have loved going. It makes me feel so refreshed afterwards!
I won $100 bucks at work.. within 10 minutes of me getting off work i had spent it on skirts and such at jcrew. I justify it since i wear skirts practically everyday and you can never have too many presenting outfits.
I tried Bountiful Baskets for the first time ever. Best thing of my life (hypothetically speaking of course).. YOU ALL SHOULD DO THIS!
My mom and I started a new adventure selling jewelry. My mom is a consultant and basically i just help her at her parties and such. The necklaces are to die for! If you want to host a party let me know. :) there are incentives offered for hosting one.
Last weekend I officially finished organizing the apartment. LOVE the little vanity hutch thing ammon got me for christmas.. it looks perfect in our bathroom.
It has officially been two years since Am and I got engaged. CRAZYYY talk. I loved that day so much and can't believe we are coming up on our two year anni!
ALSO.. our room went from this:
I finally got a chance to clean up.. and i hung my timeline canvases up and I LOVE them. I order all my canvases from Fabness.com.. they rock!
I headed to Seattle (and Cali, New Mexico, and Denver) for work earlier this month and absolutely fell in love with the city. I had the best salmon i have ever had.. and that's saying something for someone who doesnt like seafood.
I found the cutest shoes at Nike.. originally 130.. marked to 44. SO mad i had to pass them up considering i had just washed my 5 pairs of frees the week before. Which then let ammon on to how many pairs of nike's i have (8). eek.
I survived my business trip as a presenter! BIG WAhOO! Presented in four states in four days and had a great time. I. LOVE. MY. JOB.
 |
| normally i would never post a selfie, but this was a monumental day!! i had to show my mom my outfit |
I ordered my first swimsuit of the season. I thought i was 'over' chevron.. and then i bought this. I don't regret it, but i do regret not working out for the past few months. (can you say eek) :)
I have however rediscovered my love for hot yoga. I got a groupon for a studio up here and have loved going. It makes me feel so refreshed afterwards!
I won $100 bucks at work.. within 10 minutes of me getting off work i had spent it on skirts and such at jcrew. I justify it since i wear skirts practically everyday and you can never have too many presenting outfits.
I tried Bountiful Baskets for the first time ever. Best thing of my life (hypothetically speaking of course).. YOU ALL SHOULD DO THIS!
My mom and I started a new adventure selling jewelry. My mom is a consultant and basically i just help her at her parties and such. The necklaces are to die for! If you want to host a party let me know. :) there are incentives offered for hosting one.
Last weekend I officially finished organizing the apartment. LOVE the little vanity hutch thing ammon got me for christmas.. it looks perfect in our bathroom.
It has officially been two years since Am and I got engaged. CRAZYYY talk. I loved that day so much and can't believe we are coming up on our two year anni!
ALSO.. our room went from this:
....................................................................................................To this:
I finally got a chance to clean up.. and i hung my timeline canvases up and I LOVE them. I order all my canvases from Fabness.com.. they rock!
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