It was Ammon's last night at home in Pleasant Grove, and he had a LOT to do. I drove down to visit him and to say our goodbyes. I don't even remember what we did that night, but I definitely remember Ammon walking me to my car. We stood there talking, and then he wrapped me up in a big ol hug. The next thing I knew, I heard Ammon say "I love you Hay". WTH. My heart was pounding like crazy. I had never let my thoughts go there. I knew deep down that I was in love with Ammon, but I did NOT want to admit that to myself. The next thing I knew.. I was saying "I love you too". I felt so confused, and at the same time I felt so much relief! It felt good to have that off my chest. I remember we said something like "well I guess we will see if 'Distance really does make the heart fonder!'" And I left.
On my way home, I vividly remember having a freak out. LIKE WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED? I was not ready to say those words, but I also knew they were true and real. It just scared the living crap out of me that I had just told Ammon that I loved him.
School started at the U, and I loved it. I joined an LDS sorority and met so many amazing girls. Ammon was down at Dixie and fall baseball was in full swing. I can't even tell you how many times I went to st george that fall. Like all the time. Any chance I could. Even more crazy, Ammon did the same thing. One weekend he came up just to take me to the State Fair. I had been telling him how much i wanted to go, and the next thing i knew, he surprised me and off we went. That was a night for the books. We went on this crazy ride, I think it was called something like The Gravitron 2000. Anyway this ride was insane. You basically get inside this dome, and it spins around and naturally forces you against the walls... well somehow I ended upside down slammed against the wall.. and I looked over and Ammon was in the same position right next to me! hahah then he leaned in and kissed me. My heart fluttered. Man it was so romantic. :) hehe. But really it was such a good night.
Honestly things were amazing. We texted all day every day. I always woke up to a 'good morning beautiful' text, and the conversations continued through my commute, through all my classes, through work at the soap factory, until we could finally call each other at night. Sometimes we could sneak a call in while I was driving to work and he was heading to baseball. Oh and so you know.... yes. I was still writing the missionary every Sunday night. I was so happy, confused, and depressed all in one. There were days I couldn't stop thinking about Ammon, and other days I couldn't wait for my missionary to come home. What a mess.
So then November rolled around. We had been talking and saying I LOVE YOU for like 4 months by this point. Finally Ammon and I talked and he told me that he really needed me to pray and figure things out with my missionary. He knew things were confusing for me, and it was just as confusing for him. So i started reading my scriptures, fasting, and praying to know what to do regarding the situation. It was a stressful time for the both of us. We tried to forget that I was trying to get answers, but it was pretty inevitable. After a few weeks of not getting any answers, i remember I was driving to the U for class. I was obviously thinking about the situation and was frustrated because i hadn't received any 'big answer'. And then it HIT me like a freaking brick. The thought came into my head clear as day "You can't ask for things when you already know what want". Looking back, I can easily see what the Lord was trying to teach me. But in the moment, it was... "WELL DUH! the answer is the missionary then! Ammon and i are just not meant to be." eeek right?
So i called Ammon up, told him what I had felt.. and off we went. We stopped saying I love you, we didn't talk nearly as much, and things were just not good. He went on vacation with his family to disneyland, and occasionally we would send 'flirty' texts that would make me happy, but things were just not the same. When he got home, we went to lunch at Training Table to talk things over. Things did NOT go well, and we said our final goodbyes. We didn't talk at all after that. The holidays went by, and nothing. New Years came, Nothing. School started. Nothing. I remember missing Ammon sooo incredibly much. I thought about him all the time. There were so many days i would wake up thinking "today is the day! I am going to text Ammon". But everyday I could never bring myself to do that to him again. I knew in my heart that I wanted to be around when the missionary got home, and so... there was no point in me contacting Ammon just to break his heart in a few months when my mish got home. It was so hard. I am dead serious when i say.. EVERY single day that is all i could think about was talking to Ammon. I MISSED HIM like crazy. Then, something happened.
It was late February 2011, I was sitting in my family studies class, surfing the internet like any good student does :) when all of a sudden Ammon's name popped up on my phone. HE TEXTED ME! A simple little one line text with an inside joke between the two of us. I swear my heart skipped a beat. That was it. One text and we were right back to where we left off 3 months before.
Ammon and I kept talking.. all the time. I drove to st. george all the time. I hardly missed any of his home games that season. He could never come up to SLC because his schedule was too intense with baseball, but we made it work. I basically lived in st george that semester. Somehow i even managed to pass my classes at the U.
Then.. what do you know.. the semester ended, and Ammon moved home. I was leaving for a month to go to Africa, and Italy.. and I started flipping out AGAIN. The day after I got home from my month long vacation was the day that my missionary was finally coming home. So what did I do? I ended things with Ammon as soon as the semester ended. We talked a few times up until I left (the first week of june), but it was nothing. My missionary was coming home and I couldn't wait! I was so excited and just knew that things were going to be amazing. I know I was rude. I know I should have handled the situation differently, but there was so much anticipation, so much to prepare for my trip, and so many emotions..that my way of handling Ammon was to avoid that anything had ever happened. Sad, but true.
Then I left for Africa. I was in Kenya for 3 weeks, and in Italy for 9 days. I got home on the 3rd of July, and my missionary was set to get home on the 4th. Instead of flying straight to slc, he flew to florida where his family was vacationing. I had received a few texts from him while he was in florida and I was in Italy. I was so excited to get home and see him! His mom texted me on the 3rd (I had just landed from italy) and told me that I better be at the airport the next day to welcome him home. She told me he was excited to see me and that he was just as cute as ever. I'll be honest.. my heart was so full of anticipation. I KNEW that he was the one for me, and the reunion was just one day away!