That Time I Fell in Love With a Pair of Shoes

Guys. It's no secret that I have a shopping addiction. All growing up I remember my mom, my sister, and I, going on shopping trips together. The Hansen girls love a good deal and a good day of shopping. We bond over it. We talk for hours and honestly its times like this that I LOVE. My mom is the most stylish lady I know, and even more than that.. the best bargain shopper I know. She has taught us well. :)

I am one that truly believes you can fall in love with an article of clothing.. at least for awhile. So last week while I was down in STG, we were homecoming dress shopping with Ammon's little sister.. and I spotted them. The pair of fall boots I have been looking for for so long. Cheesy i know. But i have been wanting to buy a pair of two tone boots for awhile now, and haven't found a pair that I love at a decent price. I also really wanted to buy a pair of 'nicer' boots because real leather just lasts longer than the cheap $25 boots you can buy at Forever Young.  Here's the kicker.. they are not what we call cheap.. $159 bucks to be exact. which lets be real here.. isn't terrible for a good pair of high quality boots.. but still wayyyy more than i would everrr pay for a pair of shoes.

Here's a little insight into Ammon and I's marriage......

Ammon is a saver. I am a spender (within reason). I value this quality of Ammon soo much. I'll be honest.. 99% of our financial success is because of Ammon. He is literally so smart with money and works so hard to make sure we are saving money every month, investing, and always preparing for the future. I, on the other hand, understand why we do our finances the way we do, but it is a little harder for me when I see my paycheck and realize the 'smaller' amount I can actually spend every month. hahah I am so greedy i swear. It's a struggle for me.

So right now here is my dilemma.. I either buy the boots and not spend another dollar on 'me stuff' for almost two months.. or I can wait til Christmas. Christmas really isn't that far away, but my mind is silly. For my birthday and Christmas it is always so hard for me to decide what it is I REALLY want on my list. It's like I feel like its my one time to ask for something really special so I over-think it to the point that I don't even know what I want. hahaha I am a spaz. Anyway.. check out these beautiful things...

A weekend in STG

Ammon's job is a little crazy so we knew that when we had Monday off for Labor day, we needed to jump at the chance to get away. We both took Tuesday off work, and after work on Friday headed down to St. George. We both LOVE st george. We have so many good memories there... it's where we met, fell in love, were engaged, and lived for the first 18 months of our marriage.

A few years back Ammon had seen The Little Mermaid at Tuacahn for an FHE activity in his singles ward. Ever since, he has told me over and over again how awesome it was and if it ever came back that we needed to go. I absolutely love that Ammon enjoys going to plays and artistic-ey things with me. In fact, a lot of the time these things are his ideas! For being so manly, this guy sure has a soft side :) And actually, I would never really claim to be a 'play lover' myself, but for some reason I just absolutely LOVE going to Tuacahn.

This weekend was just absolutely wonderful. It was so needed. Poor Ammon is working around 50-55 hours a week, add in an hour or so commute everyday, and then his graduate program on top of all that.. he is just a busy man right now. However, this weekend was great because we caught Ammon between semesters--meaning no homework for the week-- and he had an extra day off work. HOLLA. Ammon was more relaxed and fun loving than I have seen him in a long time. Not that he is grumpy or ornery, but he just has a lot going on so it is hard for him to be carefree. There is always something lingering over his head.. and we all know that just sucks.  I am so busy with working, traveling, and coaching that sometimes i feel like i just miss spending time with my husband! I can't really explain it.. this weekend was just something we both needed so badly.

We shopped with his family, hung out, watched football, went crawdad fishing, and finished the prefect weekend off at Tuacahn. I absolutely LOVED The Little Mermaid!! They way they depict underwater and the mermaids swimming was so cool! Definitely a must see!

A New Job

What? What? Haley got a new job? I thought she loved her job?!

Well don't get too ahead of yourselves. I did get a new job.. but I did not quit my job at Young Living.

I am now coaching high school soccer (again!)! Hallelujah!

A friend called randomly and asked if I could come help coach the JV girls at Bingham High school.. and after some chat about my work commitments and schedule things were still good to go!

I have been helping out now for a few weeks and although it makes life A LOT busier, i find myself so much happier. This is something that I absolutely LOVE doing that it is totally worth the long work days and constant driving to south jordan. I completely adore my little soccer players and am just so grateful I have the opportunity to help out.

It was so crazy when my friend called. That whole week I had been in such a rut. I love my job, but was getting tired of traveling. I was missing coaching in stg so much. I was having a bad attitude about life in general. I had been praying and praying to find an answer to my frustration with my daily routine.. and then seriously the next day Kim called and told me about the position. I knew the second we worked everything out that it was just meant to be! I was so excited.

These girls have already blessed my life so much. They have stretched me as an individual which I am so grateful for! Life is real busy, but i LOVE it. Now if I could only figure out a way to make more money coaching so I could do it full time. :) now that would be sweeeet.

Those Crazy Months

**To catch up on this series, read this post first*

So it was the day.. July 4th to be exact. My missionary was finally coming home. I am not going to go into details about this day.. cuz lets be real.. it doesn't matter. I did go to the airport and yes we did hug. hahah! I remember being so nervous because people had told me "that first hug tells a lot.. you will be able to know instantly if it is right or not". I remember in the moment feeling so overwhelmed and so happy. But I also very distinctly remember thinking while he was hugging me for the first time.. "ummm k can we stop now? That's good enough for now.".. I think a lot of that was because I was so embarrassed having everyone and their dogs watching us, cheering, clapping, etc... and I hated having all eyes on me. But I also think this was a good indication of the future.

I will be 100% honest. I was absolutely on cloud 9. The following days and weeks were magical. We talked about getting married the day after he got home (the first official day he was released as a missionary), and knew it was what we both wanted. As time went on, we could not figure out the timing of when exactly we should get married, but we both knew it was going to happen. Then I had this thought.. "you have prayed and prayed about this for two years, and here it is and you haven't even prayed to see if it is right. You haven't even asked for guidance.".... That night I prayed for the first time since he had gotten home about marrying this boy I was crazy about.

My prayer was simple. Probably nothing too deep, but sincere in the fact that I wanted to know if it was right that we got married. Strangely enough the second my prayer was over.. instant pit in my stomach. I brushed it off thinking "no way.. there is no way that this is a 'no'... i just want a confirmation that this is indeed right."... So i kept praying. Every night after that night.. same thing. Things started getting crazy. Every time i was around my boyfriend, random things would bother me. The pit in my stomach would come. I kept avoiding it thinking "There is literally no way that this isnt right"... Whenever he would bring up marriage.. i no longer knew what to say. Instant pit. .. This went on for a few weeks. Of course there were really good times too. That's what made it so difficult.. the feelings of 'not right' were not always consistent.

Thoughts of Ammon started creeping into my mind. All. The. Time. It was annoyinggggg. I would be cuddling with my boyfriend thinking "i wish his chest was more comfortable like Ammon's" (ISN'T THAT SO BAD?!) I would see pictures of Ammon on FB with other girls and it would piss me off. Like bug me soo bad. Around this same time I was so irritated with praying that i decided to fast. I fasted for 3 Sundays straight.. and felt like I had gotten no answer. I was so frustrated. The 3rd Sunday I was at my wits end. I knew that I had received my answer that I should NOT marry my boyfriend, but instead needed to break up with him. WHAT THE CRAP. I was so sick to my stomach. I was scared. I had no plan. I was in love with him.. WHY WHY WHY was this not right? I literally had no answers. No reason not to marry him. (that i could see?) Our relationship was a good one, he made me happy, of course we had our issues, but doesn't everyone?

I was pissed. So i went home from church. Marched to my room. Collapsed on the floor, and started praying. I poured my heard out to my Savior. Instead of asking him if I should or shouldn't, I told him. I told him everything I wanted in my life. What qualities I wanted in my husband, the family I wanted to have, the career and future I wanted for myself. I remember finishing with "let me know who this person is that will help give me these things. And if I haven't met them, please help me to know when i finally do." As soon as I pulled myself together enough to head back upstairs.. I had a simple thought "That's Ammon". And in that moment I knew for myself that it was true. And the next day I broke up with my boyfriend. For no reason other than I just didn't feel good about things. I was confused.

I hadnt talked to ammon in months. He was in St George living the single life and reaping the benefits of being a freaking all star on the baseball team. :) One day, I got a random text from him.. which sparked conversation. He asked how things were ... actually I think his phrasing was "so when are you getting married?" haha. I told him we had broken up. The convo was short but it was good.

Things over the next few months are a blur. I had classes with my ex boyfriend at the U, we occasionally carpooled to school together, and it was hard to stay away from each other. We still talked a lot, we hung out together frequently, but we were no longer together. Confusing. It was really hard making that official CUT. Ammon and I talked a lot too. But he was dating like crazy down at Dixie. Everyday (i kid you not) I would get a text around 5:30 that said "hey going on date tonight.. gotta go. have a good night"... or something along those lines.It was a little annoying because I though he for sure had to have a girlfriend that he was not telling me about. He assured me he was just dating a lot.

During these months I went through a lot of crap. And I put a lot of people through crap. I was exhausted emotionally, physically, and spiritually. My family was sick of hearing about everything, all my girlfriends lived far away and were not accessible all the time, and the friends I did have at home, were torn because most of them were also very close with my ex. So it was complicated. I felt more alone than ever. I kept getting random text messages from blocked numbers saying mean things, add on twitter accounts sending me relationship guidance via tweet, and even weird emails saying how dumb i was for breaking up with my ex.. life was just hard.

I did see ammon a few times that fall, and finally in late November I told him that I wanted to date him. No more back and forth. He was the one I wanted and I had made up my mind. He came up for Thanksgiving, and i was thinking we were good to go. Things were going to be awesome. Our first night together he told me he had decided to date someone else... that he had tried so many times with me and it just seemed a little pointless. He finally had found a girl that he was interested in and felt like he needed to pursue that relationship. SUCK. So that was cool.......... he had a new gf and i was back at square one.

After that experience, I sort of thought "maybe that is all I needed. Maybe I just needed to make up my mind, go one direction, and let the Lord correct the path if it wasn't right. which he obviously did, so i guess it just wasnt right" Sooo my ex and I sort of started trying to figure things out again. Things were awesome. I felt happy, he was happy, and we were both working on things.

Then about a week before Christmas.. we got in a huge fight. I had found a few things out that I had been lied to about, and he was not happy about the whole Ammon deal. (which we could never get past)  I remember I was driving down to Orem to meet up with some old soccer friends for dinner. He called...We were on the phone together just having it out.. my blood was boiling.. I was so MAD. How had I trusted someone so much.. just to have been lied to about the dumbest things! He was so MAD, I was so MAD, and we were full on yelling at each other over the phone. I was bawling.. which is a major side effect of me being utterly pissed (it just happens.. i swear i cant control it. haha). Anyway i ended up going to dinner, having a great conversation with my gf's and then headed home for the Hansen Family Annual Dessert night.

He came, and things were awkward. We tried to be normal, but i was still so mad. The next day he was texting me about the whole deal asking if I was "Okay?" and i lost it. Basically I was like.. I need my space.. dont talk to me anymore. Don't talk to me ever again. I had finally had my "that's the last straw" type of moment and i was just done. So sick of all the drama. sick of the confusion. sick of doing things I knew deep down were never going to work.

Then something miraculous happened.. The next day or so later.. i got a text from Ammon saying that he had broken up with his girlfriend and he really needed to talk to me and wanted to get together.

Soooo we did. Right before Christmas we met up, talked and things were really good! Like all the bad stuff we had been through didn't matter anymore and we were just on the same page. It was weird, and yet not weird at all. That's how things always were with Ammon. I saw Ammon everyday after that. He was again moving back down to Dixie after New Years, and after only spending about 10 days together... I had developed a sweet little surprise of my own.