I have a problem

Lately I have been thinking. And I realized that part of the reason I sometimes feel 'crappy'..'sad'...blah blah blahhhh... is because i can't let go of two big fat lies. Literally it has almost been a year and I can't get over the fact that i was lied to. Twice. By two different people. Oh! and let me mention that these two people were my two closestttttt friends. As in BF's since like 8th grade type people. It sucks. They had definitely earned the trust i gave them, and returned the privilege to them. These two people were two of the only people in the world that I trusted like that [at the time]. I actually referred to one of them as 'the vault' haha.. how ironic right? They were people I trusted with all my heart and soul.

It's so stupid, because I can easily look back now and say those lies have helped me become a better person, and I am wayyyy better off because of the them.. but still. Why do they bother me sooo badly? I have never really had a problem forgiving people until this happened. And quite frankly, I just plain don't know what to do about it. I feel like such a hypocrite because I know that i am supposed to forgive and forget. And for the most part.. I have forgotten. I don't really remember the little details and stories surrounding the lies, but I feel like I will neverrr forget the way they made me feel. And that is just sooo crappy. Just thinking about them now, i am sobbing in my work chair. Sometimes, I genuinely feel like it might be easier for me to just stay completely pissed off at these two people, than it would be to come to grips and just let it go. It's SO retarded... because I know I need to let it go.. in order to feel better about myself and the situation as a whole, but I just feel like I just can't get there. I want to 'forgive and forget'. I really do. How do i get there when I am still so hurt, mad, and sad, for the friendships lost and the trust broken? My mom used to tell me that in time, it would come. I kept waiting. I keep waiting. Is that true? Will it come? I am beginning to think it might not ever come. And it's weird cuz part of me is ok with that [the devil inside of me :) haha]. But then the other part of me knows that I need to forgive and be done with it.

So my question to you is.. have any of you ever felt like this? How did you deal with it? I really don't know what to do. I feel like someone hit me in the gut every time i think about these lies. I have prayed and prayed that i might be able to 'one day' forgive. That my heart would soften and I would feel better about everything. But I just don't feel like my heart has softened. I don't feel like i have gotten the sense of peace I was hoping for. I still get that gross feeling when I think about it. Do I need to change my prayers? If so, what do I even pray for? It's an awful burden that needs to go away. Does anyone have advice? How do you cope with stuff like this?

I know my Savior knows how i feel. I know he can help me. But I just don't even know what to ask for anymore. Give me your suggestions people. And don't judge me for being a horrible person. :)


  1. This has happened to me a lot of times. I completely know what you're going through, and that feeling you keep having is just horrible. I hate it. It took me more than a year to completely get over almost every situation, some have been even longer. The best thing is that you will eventually stop thinking about the hurt and it will be AMAZING! I would just pray to have peace with what happened for now, and pray for patience for the healing to occur. It might take a while but you'll get there! :)

  2. i like to read your blog and i think you are making a great point..but could you please remove the "R" word from your post?

  3. girl! I completely know how you feel. I've spent many nights on my knees begging to be able to just forgive some people. We as girls(with lots of emotions) need to know the difference between our emotions. Are you still upset with THEM, or the SITUATION. It's okay to still be hurt about the situation(in my opinion) but if you're still upset with them- then I suggest praying to love them. If you love them, then I think the Lord has answered your prayers and time will heal the situational wound!

    Chin up lady!


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