Thrillerrrrr babayyyy

Am and I were lucky enough to go to Thriller last night at Tuacahn. I had never been to Thriller before.. To say I loved it would be a huge understatement. It was awesome. In a weird way it made me wish that I would have stuck with dance. Oh! And get this.... We sat 3rd row! Can you say incredible? Plus Tuacahn is my most favorite amphitheater in the world. It's so pretty and it totally sets the creepy mood for the concert.

There are times I wish we lived in Salt Lake... Last night was not one of them. The weather was perfect and it's amazing to me that we were able to see the show OUTSIDE! St George is a beautiful place and this time of year is easily my favorite here. :)

I have a problem

Lately I have been thinking. And I realized that part of the reason I sometimes feel 'crappy'..'sad'...blah blah blahhhh... is because i can't let go of two big fat lies. Literally it has almost been a year and I can't get over the fact that i was lied to. Twice. By two different people. Oh! and let me mention that these two people were my two closestttttt friends. As in BF's since like 8th grade type people. It sucks. They had definitely earned the trust i gave them, and returned the privilege to them. These two people were two of the only people in the world that I trusted like that [at the time]. I actually referred to one of them as 'the vault' haha.. how ironic right? They were people I trusted with all my heart and soul.

It's so stupid, because I can easily look back now and say those lies have helped me become a better person, and I am wayyyy better off because of the them.. but still. Why do they bother me sooo badly? I have never really had a problem forgiving people until this happened. And quite frankly, I just plain don't know what to do about it. I feel like such a hypocrite because I know that i am supposed to forgive and forget. And for the most part.. I have forgotten. I don't really remember the little details and stories surrounding the lies, but I feel like I will neverrr forget the way they made me feel. And that is just sooo crappy. Just thinking about them now, i am sobbing in my work chair. Sometimes, I genuinely feel like it might be easier for me to just stay completely pissed off at these two people, than it would be to come to grips and just let it go. It's SO retarded... because I know I need to let it go.. in order to feel better about myself and the situation as a whole, but I just feel like I just can't get there. I want to 'forgive and forget'. I really do. How do i get there when I am still so hurt, mad, and sad, for the friendships lost and the trust broken? My mom used to tell me that in time, it would come. I kept waiting. I keep waiting. Is that true? Will it come? I am beginning to think it might not ever come. And it's weird cuz part of me is ok with that [the devil inside of me :) haha]. But then the other part of me knows that I need to forgive and be done with it.

So my question to you is.. have any of you ever felt like this? How did you deal with it? I really don't know what to do. I feel like someone hit me in the gut every time i think about these lies. I have prayed and prayed that i might be able to 'one day' forgive. That my heart would soften and I would feel better about everything. But I just don't feel like my heart has softened. I don't feel like i have gotten the sense of peace I was hoping for. I still get that gross feeling when I think about it. Do I need to change my prayers? If so, what do I even pray for? It's an awful burden that needs to go away. Does anyone have advice? How do you cope with stuff like this?

I know my Savior knows how i feel. I know he can help me. But I just don't even know what to ask for anymore. Give me your suggestions people. And don't judge me for being a horrible person. :)

award winning [not really]

Guys. I feel so special. Ashlee over at ashnshae nominated me for the Liebster award. So nice right?

The Liebster award is given by bloggers to up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers.

What is a Liebster?

The meaning: Liebster is German and means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome.

1. Each person much post 11 things about themselves

2. Answer the question the nominator made for you and also create 11 more questions for the blogs you nominate

3. Choose 11 people and link them to your post

4. Go to their page and tell them.

5. No tag backs!

11 things about Haley

1. I think I am wayyyy funnier than I actually am. Ammon is always pointing out that I am the only one that laughs at my jokes. Its ok. I've come to terms with it.

2. I absolutely LOVE Halloween. October is one of my all time favorite months. I love the eeriness, the crisp air, and getting all dressed up just for fun. Best thing ever.

3. I played soccer in college for one year. I then decided it wasn't for me and decided to spend my time socializing. It's a good thing else I might not have ever met Ammon.

4. I am known in my family as the 'inappropriate-say-whatever-is-on-your-mind' child. I like the title. Not many people get to see that side of me though because I also know when to be appropriate.

5.  I broke up with Ammon 6 times. 6 TIMES people. 7 times is the charm around here. 

6. I hateeeeee cats with a real passion. I see no reason they should even be on the planet.

7. When I was little I carried around a stuffed animal Bunny named 'hoppy'. It never left my side and it stayed that way until i was like 12. (exceptions were made when i went to school).

8. I have a really freaky love for soft things. Seriously. I bought this blanket from target in february.. and haven't slept a night with out it since. Yup it came on the honeymoon. Ammon tries stealing it to make me mad. And guess what? it works. :)

9. I love popping zits.

10. My freshman year of college i was in a commercial. And no, it wasn't like i was just a random 'extra'. I was the main [only] person in a campaign commercial. i am so embarrassed by it, but secretly I think the whole story behind it was cool.

11. I am possibly the worst morning person on the planet.

-My eleven questions from Ashley-
1. What is your favorite dessert? I love all types of dessert! eclairs, cheesecake, ice cream... anything with raspberry.
2. If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you'd buy? I would buy a new car. Probably a 2012 camry. Then i would go on a shoe shopping spree. 
3. Do you prefer sun or snow? SUN!!!!! I absolutely hate the cold weather. It is miserable!
4. How did you meet your husband or significant other? We played on the same intramural flag football team. He was the quarterback and threw me the first touchdown pass of the season. In that moment i knew we were going to be together forever. HAHAHAH!!!!! yeahhh right.
5. Do you have any kids? If no how many do you want? We both come from big families.. i want 5 or 6. and i would prefer more boys than girls.
6. Are you more of a dog lover or a cat lover? i believe i already answered this question. one time i accidentally ran over a cat. WHOOPS.
7. If you could re-do anything, what would it be? I would probably only break up with Ammon 5 times. Kidding. obviously i would change the way i treated him during those times. 
8. What is your biggest dream? I want to travel. I want to see the 7 wonders of the world.
9. What is your best memory you have had so far? When Am and I were on our honeymoon, we were out in the ocean chatting. We were in each others arms.. and for some reason I decided to see if i could 'push ammon's buttons'. I dont even remember what i was saying to him, but i was being obnoxious about something and it apparently worked, because ammon started to get really frustrated with me. I continued on.. being annoying and whatnot, And all of a sudden, we looked at each other and just started laughing sooo hard. We were dying. Like seriously crying we were laughing so hard. We had one of those moments that i never wanted to end. It was perfect. Laugh attack and all. It makes me smile just thinking about it.
10. What is your favorite thing to do that is for you? I love taking baths. It is the best thing to do when i am stressed or tired. 
11. If you could move anywhere in the world, where would you go? That is so hard.. I love traveling. But i would never want to live any of the places i have been. I am thinking i would move to Cali. I love San Diego and Newport. Let's be honest... just anywhere on the coast of So Cal. Or back up to SLC.

My questions are: 
1. Who is your celeb crush and why?
2. What is your biggest pet peeve?
3. Where is your favorite place to go?
4. What is your 'must have' product you use daily?
5. If you were an animal what would you be and why?
6. What is your deepest fear?
7. What is one thing most people don't know about you?
8. What is one thing that helps you relieve stress?
9. What is your favorite Tv show?
10. Do you hate cats like I do? haha :)
11. Have you ever been in love?


I am awarding this to:
Marlies.. this girl is one of my favs. She has the best attitude and best sense of humor.
Mary.. She and her husband.. and their dogs are the cutest little family around.
Carly..we played soccer together at Dixie.. and I think she needs an excuse to update me on her life!
Allie.. we went to High School together. Her blog is always so uplifting and awesome.
Ali.. Three words. Custest Baby Ever.
Ashley.. She has got to be the most genuine and kind person I know. 
Hailey.. She's got the best style, hair, crafts.. ever. Plus we played soccer together and i just love her.
Lexie.. She married a dear friend of mine and I just love staying up to date with their life! They are so creative and perfect for each other!
Brooke.. Let's just say.. she is practically one of my BFF's. LOVE her.
Whitley.. My ex roomie. Get on her to start blogging again.
Nina.. Afria friend. Omega sister. Needs to blog about a certain something.

cool. I am done.

Coming Clean

Alrighty blogger friends. I [we] have a confession to make.

I look at my blog and see a "picture perfect" life. Not to sound too proud. hahah. I read a lot of married people blogs and I find the same thing. "picture perfect" little married lives. Now, I certainly don't want this to come off the wrong way.. but guess what people? Just because you get married doesn't mean your life all of a sudden becomes prefect! GASP right?! OMG. Now...don't get me wrong.. I LOVE being married... But let me finish making my point first before you start assuming things.

Am and I were talking the other day and somehow the blog came up. We talked about how I used to blog a lot more about my feelings. Obviously that was a good thing. It was a good place to talk through my problems and an easy way to see how dumb my stresses and worries were. It was plain to see the Lord's hand in my life, and a good reminder of my growth through hard times. We talked about how in 'cyber world' people try their absolute hardest to make their life seem perfect. How blogs usually represent our best selves, and we don't like to show vulnerability. That's fine cuz lets be honest we all do it. I think married people do it the most. That's fine too because a marriage is something sooo divine and spiritual, that sharing too much detail could cause problems. A blog post can quickly turn from a "here is the problem" to a ..."He's the problem" type post. Which we all know is sooo unhealthy. Right?

Well after much discussion.. I guess Ammon and I both feel like we don't want to be 'fakers?' anymore. We don't necessarily want to use this blog solely as a place to document the things we do. We want to write about our experiences as a couple. Our struggles, our stresses, our happy times, and our accomplishments. We want people to know that married life.. is still life. We are still normal people.. we get in senseless fights, we laugh til we cry, we get ornery, we say things we don't mean, and we love poking each other's bums {too far?...maybe.). And even though sometimes we are not our best selves, we are constantly working to improve our relationship and love for each other.

The upcoming posts might seem a little personal for some readers. I can assure you of two things. This blog will NOT be a place where Ammon or myself come to 'bash' one another. It will not be a place of 'venting' marriage stresses. Duh we are not stupid and we are not dumb. BUT I can assure you it will be place of realness. We will always approve what one another writes before it is posted, and we will ALWAYS be sure to tell you what we are learning along this journey of life together. There will be funny posts, posts about our ridiculous past, and posts that [i believe] many of you can relate to. If you are ready for the change of pace.. then join in. Leave comments and suggestions. Laugh and cry with us. Tell us your stories and we will tell you ours. Just remember.. I have the best husband ever! .. And he even promised to grace you with his presence more often! Hooray!!

Props to my Pops

As my wedding pics slowly come streaming in.. i wanted to give you a little update on one of my previous posts. Remember the struggle I had picking a song to play while I danced with my dad? Well.. Let me tell you.. I found the perfect song for my poppa and I.

Ever since I was little one of my favorite movies has always been Father of the Bride. My family quotes this movie all the timeeee... "The Chipper Chicken.." is a classic line around the Hansen household. Well.. i watched the movie right before the wedding and it hit me... "The Way You Look Tonight".. would be the perfect song. I know it might be cliche, but listen... after watching the movie I totallyyyy understood and could relate with the way my dad might have been feeling during that time.

I have always been close to my Dad and although he might come off as a 'rough' around the edges-hunter, fisher, outdoorsman.. He is the most tender, gentle, and classy man on the planet. This song perfectly represented the way I see my dad as a Father, and the way [i hope] he sees me as a daughter. I love that man!

Jamaica.. We have a bobsled team!

Ok.. so maybe i didn't see any bobsledders while i was in Jamaica.. but I will tell you this: the people there legitimately talk the same way as they do in the movie Cool Runnings. Jamaica was incredible.

When Ammon surprised me with our honeymoon location I could not have been more excited! It was a dream honeymoon and the most perfect vacation ever.

*Ps I promise i didn't only wear one swimsuit.. It just so happened that the days we took pictures were the two days that i wore the same suit. Whoopsies!

The water was seriously UNREAL. and soo warm.

We ate at the most gorgeous restaurant.. Right on the beach.. at sunset.. overlooking an island :) 

so pretty!

The resort.

One day we decided to go on a hike up this big waterfall. It was so cool...way crowded, but sooo cool. It was fun to get out and explore!

Serious falls people.

waterproof cam. heck yeah.

salt water straight up the nose. we were laughing/crying so hard after this picture.

Just feedin som little birdies.

My favorite picture of the trip. 

We are seriously wishing we could go back right now! Unlimited food.. beaches.. and relaxing? Best thing ever. The whole time Ammon and I could not stop talking about how we can totally relate to why honeymoons were invented.. There is nothing better in the world than having a week or so to just relax after months of stressful wedding planning. Plus! Ammon did the best job planning such an awesome trip. All inclusive resorts are the way to go people. Andddd we would recommend Sandals resorts to anyone. :)

a MUST see

Last weekend Ammon and I went and saw the movie Pitch Perfect. I have to admit that from the second i saw the trailer i was reallyyyy excited to see the show. I somehow talked Ammon to taking me and it was great because his sister Andrea, and brother in law Nic, came with us!

Alright.. all you people out there. I know this movie might look slightly stupid. Glee in movie form? No THANK YOU. But ok.. i have to tell you honestly... I LOVED it. It might be the newest addition to my list of favorites. And Ammon?.... well lets just see he felt the same way. It not only has amazing music.. but is also HILARIOUS. Fat Amy? who even comes up with that. She kept me laughing the whole movie.

Check this scene out... But let me give you background first so you don't think it is perverted. Basically all these groups are having a "sing off".. they are given a theme and this theme happened to be "sex".

Enjoy!.. And go see it this weekend!

Married Crazies

Since being married, Ammon and I have had some FUNNY experiences with each other. Adjusting to living together hasn't been too weird, but it has provided us with some pretty dang funny stories.

Like the morning i was home alone, brushing my teeth and realized mid-brush that I was using Ammon's toothbrush. I seriously could not stop laughing.. for some reason it was so funny to me! It took me all day to find the right words to say.."honey I accidentally used your tooth brush this morning." hahahah Ammon's face was so priceless and confused. I still laugh thinking about it.

Like the night I jolted up in my sleep and said "HONEY!! Did you hear that?!!" To which apparently Ammon worriedly replied  "What? Babe are you ok?!" I replied with a "oh never mind" and fell back  SOUND asleep. It freaked Am out so bad that he searched the whole apartment and didn't sleep well for the rest of the night. I, however have absolutely NO recollection of this even happening! No idea where that came from.

Or the night I was saying the prayer and for some reason I couldn't put a sentence together. I think i literally said "Please bless this food that it will nuraidlfnadjnafdiuandd aadfuhisfhadunfjnvlai. Amen." Times that by a 2 minute prayer.. and that's how bad it was. We both opened our eyes only to BURST out laughing. I am so weird.


Like the day i gently tried to wake up Ammon from his nap.. and he literally looked SO PISSED that i had woken him up. He grunted, rolled over and 'ignored' me. When he FINALLY woke up, he had NO recollection that I had ever tried waking him! Meanwhile I was mad because he was so mean to me! hahah it was hilarious. We are the weirdest sleepers.

Or the night i decided to dye my hair in our bathroom. While the dye processed, I came out to the family room where Am was tutoring. (I'll admit my hair was literally slicked back and in a nasty bun thing on my head) And the first words out of his mouth were... "Babe you look like a boy".

Marriage is just so funny. And living with a boy is even funnier.. yet oh so great at the same time. Love my sweet Am.