The day we found out we were going to be parents..

(written about 11 weeks ago)

Well it has been about 12 days since I found out that I was 'officially' pregnant. It is still soo weird to say that.

From July to September was a crazy few months for me at work. I was traveling A TON, and because of that, everything was out whack. My cycle was a mess, and to be honest, I didn't really care too much because I had just barely decided to get off my birth control.

In September, I had two tours that I was supposed to go on.  One of the weeks, i had a half tour where I was in Wisconsin and Florida. I was sort of expecting for mother nature to show up sometime during this tour, and when she didn't I started to wonder. Stack on the fact that the whole time I was out of town I was nauseous, no appetite, and very light headed while presenting.. and things were really making me wonder. I was sort of scared to tell Ammon,... not sure why since he is the sweetest and most understanding person on the planet.  I think it was mostly because I knew that he has always put a lot of pressure on himself to provide for our family, and this might change things.. like a lot. AND.. in my head we had not officially 'talked about it' (as in having kids).. I knew that we wanted kids soon, but we hadn't really had the 'okay lets try' type conversation.. which made me nervous. I am an overthinker i'll tell ya.. thats one of my many weaknesses.

Once I got home from that short tour, I had two days to prepare before I left for another 5 days. That weekend was awesome. We had plans with friends to go to the USA National Women's soccer game at Rio Tinto, and my friend Katie and I went shopping to try to find t-shirts to wear to the game. Katie is about 15 weeks pregnant.. so I was asking her about how she found out etc.. and how she has been feeling.. and when a lot of my symptom's lined up with hers.. i was basically convinced that I was pregnant.

I told Ammon on our way to dinner on Saturday night that I thought I might need to take a test.. (for some reason i was worried about what his response might be).. and he started laughing and said "well yeah.. i have been expecting that! You're late and not been feeling good.. so it's probably a good idea."... he said it in the sweetest loving tone ever and we both just cracked up laughing. He's like 'haley you don't give me enough credit.. just cuz we didn't have a full on conversation about this doesn't mean we aren't on the same page. I get you Hay." and man in the moment i realized how much I need to grow as a wife. Ammon is just so awesome and always one step ahead and I never give him enough credit.

For some reason I had this mental block about taking a pregnancy test. I had a very nice expensive digital test from early on in our marriage when we had a 'pregnancy scare' (isn't it funny they call it that?).. I knew right where it was. I knew I needed to take it, and for some reason I kept avoiding it like the plague. I had it made up in my mind that I was pregnant.. like there was zero percent chance that I was NOT pregnant. I was excited in my head.. and so it scared me to think that the test might tell me that I wasn't. (that happened before and at that point I didn't even realize that I wanted to be pregnant until I saw that the test was negative.) So on Sunday I packed, we went to church, and headed to dinner at my parent's house. On the way home Am and I started talking about the possibility of me being pregnant. I told Ammon how I was so scared to take a test in case it was negative, and he told me some of his worries and exciting thoughts as well. Finally I felt ready to just go for it and take a test. It was stressing me out not knowing.

We walked into the house, I got the test out.. and headed to the bathroom. My plan was to pee on the stick, wash my hands, and take it out so Ammon and I could watch the result pop up together. Before I even finished washing my hands.. i glanced over to see 'pregnant' clear as day on the little monitor. I grabbed the test, walked out of the bathroom, and said "babe?"... Ammon and I sort of ran into each other in our tiny hallway between our master bedroom and kitchen.. we looked at each other right as I said.. "we're having a baby". Ammon hugged me and i lost it. I started crying happy tears and overwhelmed tears, and OH MY GOSH tears. Ammon told me how happy he was and asked how i was feeling. I told him I knew it was going to be positive and that it was just weird that everything was REAL LIFE. I was overwhelmed instantly. We talked about a plan, and decided we were going to wait to tell our families until after our first doctor appointment. We both felt like we wanted to make sure that everything was legit and get a plan in place before we go off telling everyone our exciting news just in case something wasn't right. I am sort of kicking myself for that one.

So here I am. I think I am around 6-7 weeks but really have no idea. WHO KNOWS. I have my first appointment on the 6th of October and I am just dying to know that everything is okay. I have since taken one more test.. which again confirmed that I am definitely pregnant. It is killing me not telling my family... they are all going to flip.. and I know Am's family is going to be just as excited.

Honestly the biggest thing is not being able to talk to anyone about how I am feeling. I have been pretty nauseous with no appetite, and so pretending like everything is good.. is SO hard. My mom is my best friend and I can't wait to tell her everything about this whole situation. I feel like I am basically the epitome of a pregnant woman. One of the first things that made me question being pregnant was my absolute irrational annoyance with people around me. I was constantly bugged about nothing and just all around annoyed. Then, I started feeling nauseous.. then loss of appetite.. then complete exhaustion, and well.. there you have it. I pregnant woman. I have not thrown up yet, and for the most part I hope that doesn't happen, but at the same time.. it might actually make me feel better.

I finally called and got a prescription for the nausea and today was  my first day taking it. So far so good. I was hesitant to go on a prescription, but I got desperate after the last few days. My mom doesnt know that I have missed work this week, my soccer girls don't get why I can't play with them in practice (as rough as I used to), and I think my coworkers are starting to think I am a baby with missing work so much. ahahha! One lady even made the comment... "you're not pregnant are you?!"... Well yes, in fact I am!

Ammon and I are so excited about our whole world changing coming this May or June. It completely scares the crap out of me, and makes me cry happy tears all at the same time. We can't wait to meet our little one!